Thursday, December 12, 2013

Stocking Madness


My friend Jim went on a wildlife tour and came home to report that the male elks he saw were “real jerks.”  Apparently, they can be selfish, sex-minded, self-centered, smelly creatures.  I joked with Jim that according to some of my female friends, there are some human males in the dating pool who can be the same way.

After talking to Jim, I immediately called Brian, that Certain Very Nice Man.  “Thanks for not being a male elk,” I said.  “You’re welcome,” he said without missing a beat.  

This is what I love about him.  I say wacky stuff all the time and it does not faze him one little bit. 

Months passed and I was obviously not thinking about this conversation when I was picking out new stockings for Christmas.  It was only when I got home and pulled out the stocking for Brian that I realized it had a big felt elk on it.  Ohhhhh…. For a few minutes I thought I could maybe live with the stocking, but then I knew I couldn’t.  I drove back to the store. 

“Is there anything wrong with the item?” the clerk asked.

Normal person’s response:  “No.”

Betty Response:  “It’s just that it’s got a male elk on it and apparently they are kind of jerks.  Well, that’s what my friend Jim says, and this is for my boyfriend and he is not a male elk at all.  In fact, he is the opposite of an elk.  He is really sweet and I’m afraid the elk will send the wrong message.  You know what I mean?”

Young employee, slightly stunned, “OK."

I went back to the racks of stockings and picked out a bear this time.  

Now, I know male bears may not exactly role models either, but this one looks like the state bear of California so I figure we can go with the whole native Californian theme. 



Hope you are having a good time preparing for your holiday!

23 comments:

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

The clerk might not have got it, but Brian will appreciate that it's not an elk.

Daisy said...

This made me laugh, Betty. :-) I'm sure Brian will like the bear, but I hope you tell him about the elk going back to the store. haha!

Madi and Mom said...

MOL BB
AND BEARS ARE CUDDLY...ELKS ARE NOT.
HUGS MADI AND MOM.

Cranberry Morning said...

Just wait til you hear about what I heard about bears! ;-)) Merry Christmas.♥

Leslie Moon said...

This made me smile! Our stockings are about 10 years old and are just the plain red ones. We are due for an upgrade. Now I know to stay away from the ones with elk on them!

http://skipthesugarcoat.blogspot.com/

Hilary said...

He'll get it. And besides, he's far more teddy bear than elk. Though a deer would have been appropriate too.

Ann said...

call me crazy but I think I would have kept the one with the elk on it to send to my ex and just bought another one for the boyfriend :)

Deanna said...

This cracked me up. :)

BECKY said...

Hi Betty! I can just see and hear you telling all that to the young clerk! Here's my take on the whole stocking thing:
I would've kept the elk one. Take a wide marker and draw a circle around the elk, with the diagonal line through it...you know, No Elks!..and then presented him with both! :)

Tabor said...

i have seen male elks around their harem...you do not want to be anywhere near.

jenny_o said...

Just think: you gave that employee a heck of a "work story" to tell!

Ms. A said...

Ha! Only you could come up with such a great thought process!

Alison said...

Well. I guess you won't be asking that store clerk on any dates.

Now, about bears...you know, they've got to be at least as stinky as elk. And they do lie around ALL winter long, without taking a shower or even taking out the trash. Maybe you should have gone with a pinecone or something.

Out on the prairie said...

Thought about getting started, but that is about as far as it has went.

R Bella said...

I have missed posts like this! No, an Elk definitely isn't suitable. Especially when you have both conversed about them! You did the right thing, BB ;).

Miriam in KS said...

I think I love this story! Thanks for sharing!

mama .bonnie said...

Hehehe, this made me laugh mainly because I.DO.THE.SAME.THING!!!!!
There is always a story and I'm happy to share it ;o)

Mary said...

A fun story ... you do realise that you'll be 'that crazy customer' on the store's next customer service training session! :-)

Empty Nester said...

Oh, Betty! You 'sleigh' me. LOL

Leah J. Utas said...

Elks are jerks? Damn. Thanks for the heads up.

Hilary Melton-Butcher said...

Hi Betty - such is life isn't it! The clerk must have been somewhat bewildered .. loved reading it .. and the Bear stocking is pretty impressive ..

Happy Christmas preparations .. Hilary

Pat Tillett said...

That's a classic story! I hope you tell him about the elk. You guys will laugh about that for years.

Baby Sister said...

Hahahaha. That is awesome. You are awesome. I hope you told him about it, such an amusing tale.