Thursday, September 27, 2012

Thank you!



Thanks, my Blogging Buddies, for your very kind words and support in response to my post yesterday!



I appreciate you all! 

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Framing the Future




When I started this blog almost five years ago, I chose the moniker Bossy Betty, not because my name is Betty (it isn’t) and not because I am Bossy (well, not all the time anyway).   

I chose it because my intention was to write in the voice and tone of someone else.  I wanted a persona who had a bit of an edge, a snappy gal who proudly wore a defensive cape of sarcasm. Above all, I wanted the protective shell playing a character can provide.

It was with surprise then, that I discovered the more blog posts I wrote and the more involved I got with my readers, the less able I was to keep up the mask.  

I think that is the nature of writing, or at least, the nature of writing for me.


I look back at those early blog posts and I find I am a bit envious of the richness of my life at the time. Or perhaps it is the innocence and obliviousness of these posts that I long for.

(Irony Alert!  My very first blog post was titled “Why I Got (And Stay) Married.)

I loved writing about my life as a wife and a mother.  I knew readers would connect with the themes and details of those posts.   

Now, a year after my children have left home and a year after a messy, tough year of divorce proceedings, I find I am at a loss as to what to write about.


It seems, dear readers, that I am having a bit of an Identity Crisis.


The past few months have been ones of introspection.  I look back on my life and I see that I have never really, truly forged a path for myself. From a young age, I let others define me. As I got older, I eagerly and without questioning, took the paint-by-numbers path of life.  Education, career, marriage and mothering--I followed the patterns set down by my family and by society and was grateful for them.  It was a safe route and I had good examples to follow. 

However, the artistry of my life was not exactly original and certainly not extremely vivid nor varied.  I was not at all bold with my choices.  At times I painted within those lines against the advice of my inner voice.   My own desires were suppressed, diminished, and at times, drowned.   Still, it was the life I chose.  My boundaries and limitations were set.  I knew what to do and there was a comfort, albeit a dangerous comfort, in those routines.

Now.  

Oh.  Now. 

I am divorced.  (Still hard for me to say.)  

I am single.  (Still hard for me to believe.)  

The clear-cut patterns are gone.

When you are on the receiving end of the divorce petition, you have no choice but to make major changes just to survive and you have to make them fast.  

Once the dust settles, you look up, exhausted, breathless.  All around you, there is a sense of expectancy. What now?  What next?  The word “opportunity” springs from the lips of friends and seems to be written in bold letters in every recovery book.  

Opportunity, eh?  OK.  Yeah.  OK.  I’ll get there, but that’s one big, honking goose of a word and right now it’s annoying the hell out of me.

I do know I must fight against my own propensity to reach for the paint-by-numbers set again. I stand in front of the blank canvas of the future and note the dizzying array of colors that this new life offers.  

Yikes.  

It’s going to take courage to listen to myself,  trust the voice within, and not limit myself.  

Chances are, I am going to make some big mistakes.   

It could get messy.  

It could be beautiful. 

If I’m lucky, it will be both.



Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Poetry Tuesday "Aware" by Denise Levertov







Aware

When I opened the door
I found the vine leaves
speaking among themselves in abundant
whispers.
                   My presence made them
hush their green breath,
embarrassed, the way
humans stand up, buttoning their jackets,
acting as if they were leaving anyway, as if
the conversation had ended
just before you arrived.
                                               I liked
the glimpse I had, though,
of their obscure
gestures. I liked the sound
of such private voices. Next time
I'll move like cautious sunlight, open
the door by fractions, eavesdrop
peacefully.


--Denise Levertov

Monday, September 24, 2012

Monday Morning Flowers



Good Monday Morning!

Oh how I have missed you, my Pumpkins!

Can you ever forgive me for my absence?

Here are some roses just for you to hasten the process.



Oh!  You're starting to warm up!

Aren't you?



Betty adores you!  

Have another flower.



Awwwwww.  

Have you lost weight and gotten better looking during my time away?

I am sure of it!!



Hope you have a great Monday!



To be most effective, flattery is always best applied with a trowel.

--Alan Bradley



Sunday, September 23, 2012

Sunday Hello!






Hi everybody!

Just dropping in to say hello.  Hope you are all doing well.  Thanks for your recent notes!  I am getting ready to get back on the Betty Blog Bandwagon soon!

Happy Sundays to you all!