Friday, December 7, 2012

Sex and the Single Betty




Ah!  The Single Life! 

Where does a girl start? 

If you’re a literary gal like Betty, you go straight to a book for information.  I found this copy of Sex and the Single Girl at the thrift store.  Sure, it was published in 1962, but, hey, it was only twenty-five cents and things couldn’t have changed all that much in fifty years. 

Right?

This little gem offers all the advice a gal like me could want on how to meet men, how to dress, how to decorate, and how to be utterly fascinating to the opposite sex.

I’ve already met a Certain Very Nice Man, but in the interest of educating my reading public here are some suggestions I gleaned from the book about meeting men:

First of all, it’s OK to have a friend help you meet someone.  You bet!  After the initial meet-up, though, you are on your own.  As Helen Gurley Brown states, “Do let your friend help rope.  You tie!”

Yee-Haw.

Seek out those people who can introduce you to men.  “Think carefully now.  Who do you know with information that can lead to the capture of a most-wanted fugitive?  Act now.  Other bloodhounds are on his trail.”

Back off other bloodhounds!


Want to be “Man Bait”?  I know I do!

Here are some ways to get those coveted men to start up a conversation with you:

Wear unusual jewelry, but not too unusual. 

Carry a controversial book around like Lady Chatterley’s Lover or Marx’s Das Kapital. 

When at the beach have the wildest towel on the sand and play solitaire on your towel. 

Drive a funny car and paint it orange. (I really don’t get this, but I’ll do it anyway if it means attracting a man!)

Dress well and be the girl who walks everywhere.  (OH!   I’ve already got this covered with my morning walks around the neighborhood in my shiny spandex pants and Nordic Walking Poles!  I am INDEED Morning Man Bait! Now I know why everyone stares at me!)



Flirting!   Here’s some advice:

“A man is talking to you, nothing very personal.  Look into his eyes.  Never let your eyes leave his.  Concentrate on his left eye…then his right…now deep into both. Smooth operators never take their eyes off a man even when the waiter spills a tray of drinks.”

Expect to have your cigarette lit.

Sit on your side of the car until he comes to open the door for you.

Have difficulty with packages.


Is your abode a Man Trap?  Here's how to have one!

Have Gobs of Pictures

Travel Posters

Books

Hi-Fi

A Small TV

A Sexy Kitchen (Have at least thirty spices!)

Be sure to have an ashtray with two fresh cigarettes and matches in the bathroom.


It is essential for a single girl to cook well.  However, it is NOT COOL to cook for a man too much when you are single!  NO!  As the book states, “Part of the price bachelors pay for staying single is to spend money taking girls out.  No use in making their bachelorhood easy by feeding them like little mother.”

Presents?  Heck yes!  He’d better be willing to hand ‘em over. 

“’I can’t give you love,’ is real depression era stuff.  There must be something else you can give—a book of poetry, one perfect rose, if he’s a struggler; a vicuna coat, if a tycoon.  Don’t expect a Thunderbird from anyone just because you have bestowed your most precious gift.”

(What? I don’t get my Thunderbird? How about a Ford Focus?  A used car?  A bike?  A ride to work?)


So, what if that stubborn man just won’t make the all-important commitment?  That’s when you bring out The Ultimatum:  “Hardly any bachelor wants to get married.  Even the most adorable, non-phobic one has to be gently but firmly prodded into matrimony.  If the truth be known, many of your married girl friends whom you thought were the pursued darlings used everything from vapors to bloodletting to get their man.  It’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

Bloodletting?  Well, OK!  Bring out the scalpel and some old towels!


I hope you’ve learned a little something from this post today.  I know I’ve got quite a bit of work to do around here if I am to remain Man Bait and keep that Nice Man interested in me.  I’ll be seeing him later today and intend to keep my eyes placed firmly on his, feed him very little, and struggle to carry my copy of Lady Chatterley’s Lover.  Oh yeah.

Now you’ll have to excuse me. I have to go put on my girdle, start up the hi-fi, and put fresh cigarettes in the bathroom.





35 comments:

Anne Gallagher said...

Great post! I did actually have an orange car. It attracted men all right, tow truck drivers, police in the high speed lane, and the director of the circus to use it as a clown car!

Hope your weekend is wonderful!

Mamma has spoken said...

This so reminds me of yesterday when I was working with a student. He had to read and answer questions about the famous story, "A Visit from St. Nick", you know, twas the night before Christmas and all through the house....
Any way, I had a picture version of it to try to help him understand the text and when he saw the picture of Santa smoking a pipe, he was so upset at the thought that Santa smoked. AH the difference a few years make!

Olga said...

Good advise is good advise as a general rule. One tiny thing dates this, though. A small tv in the apartment? These days it would have to be a 53" flat screen, wall-mounted with cable sports package thrown in.

Old Kitty said...

Off I go to dust the dust of my Das Kapital!

:-)

Take care
x

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

That was amusing! Sorry, orange car would NOT do it for me. And I did take just a little bit of prodding...

Leah J. Utas said...

Thank you. That was wonderful. I love the glimpses of life from that era.

Alison said...

That's our Betty--she's one smooth operator. (cue Sade)

Tabor said...

I do so remember this era but I must have had some smarts because I took everything she said with a grain of salt way back then...except for my sports car...which did not work.

Rawknrobyn.blogspot.com said...

Thirty spices in the kitchen? Damn, I have 3. That explains everything! Off to a spice store, or the neighbors' backyards. Does marijuana count?

Your book title caught my attention. Sadly, many POPULAR, contemporary writers/authors advise down these lines. Happily, it makes for hours of laughter.

Thanks, Betty.
xoRobyn

SueAnn Lommler said...

Boy you will be so desirable!!!! For sure!! Ha!!
Girdle huh? I balk at panty hose!!
Good luck
Hugs
SueAnn

Pearl said...

I am so glad I missed being a teenager/adult in the 60s. :-)

Pearl

SUGAR MOON said...

This post made me laugh. Thanks for the "day brightner." Have a great weekend.

Madi and Mom said...

LOL LOL LOL BB this cracked me up.
That was indeed a very controversial book in 1962. I was 13 and this was the year I had my very first girl/boy birthday party. LOL Now it reads like a nursery rhyme. It was definitely worth 25 cents..as the commercial says the experience was priceless.

Leanne said...

OMG BETTY!!!! This one had me laughing from start to finish!!!! Thanks for lifting (no girdle pun intended!) my spirits! LOVE IT!

Deanna said...

Ha! I would have snapped it up, too, even at twice the price. I love little glimpses into the past like that. Do you watch Mad Men? Same era.

Ami said...

Made me smile.
I hope you're following all that advice if you want to catch a dolt!!

Reminds me of the old Girl Scout book from the 50s. It really was all about how to be a good wife.

I don't remember most of it, but wearing fresh 'hose' and brushing your hair when the man got home was in there, also making sure the children were already in bed so he wouldn't have to bother with them.

You're not planning to have children, are you?

Kaneko said...

orange car hahaha.... would yellow or phosphorescent green do?? hehe

Jennifer Shirk said...

Oh my gosh! THAT is GREAT!!!
I need to read that book. :-)

jenny_o said...

Aren't ya glad that's in the past? :)

Hilary Melton-Butcher said...

Hi Betty - oh ya .. I had an orange beetle in South Africa .. it was fun.

Great ideas here - and what a good buy 25c .. now it would be interesting to re-read Lady Chatterley's lover again ..

Have fun this weekend .. cheers Hilary

Theresa Milstein said...

Ha! Of all of this advice, the most outdated is expecting to have your cigarette lit. Replace girdle with spanx, and it works!

Brian said...

HA! That was very funny! You were funnin', weren't you?

Empty Nester said...

Funny, in all the years I've watched the 1964 movie (Sex and the Single Girl) I never knew it was based on a book. Silly me. Maybe because I wasn't reading that type of book in 1964...I think I was reading the Bobbsey Twins or something like that at that time. LOL

Gigi said...

It's a darn good thing I am married because all that is just WAY too much work for me.

Daisy said...

Hahahaha! Well good luck to you! You're going to need it following advice like that. :D

Have a good weekend, Betty!

Susan Gourley/Kelley said...

Great entertainment. Some of my husband's ancestors spelled their name, Gurley. Do you think we're related?

Ann said...

ROFL, oh where was that book when I was between husbands. Had I only known about the fresh cigarettes in the bathroom maybe things could have been different.
Thanks for the best laugh I've had all day

faye said...

Thanks for the laughter today...

no one could possibly read that stuff
and break it down better than 'Our Betty'

Enjoy the weekend...

Mellisa Rock said...

Love it but what is hi-fi? This is the second time today that I am having to google something I read on a blog. The first was gangnam style if you want to know. :)

Wendy said...

Love this post. So funny. She is setting the bar really high with a sexy kitchen with THIRTY SPICES! (I think I'm about twenty-five short.)

CiCi said...

We women were so brain washed years ago. Now, instead, we do use our brains.

CS Severe said...

So that's how they did it back then....oooooh. This was a very funny post! :D Wish you luck!

Catherine said...

Hahahobawha! I love it! Some wise words indeed....if we still lived in caves. ;)
Hope you are having an exciting weekend my friend!
xo Catherine

Pat said...

Those were the days my friend! Good luck!

Baby Sister said...

Hahahaha!! Oh this is hilarious. How times have changed. Hi-Fi? Small TV? Lol. That would scare a man these days. Very amusing.