Ah! The Single Life!
Where does a girl start?
If you’re a literary gal like Betty, you go straight to a book for information. I found this copy of Sex and the Single Girl at the thrift store. Sure, it was published in 1962, but, hey, it was only twenty-five cents and things couldn’t have changed all that much in fifty years.
This little gem offers all the advice a gal like me could want on how to meet men, how to dress, how to decorate, and how to be utterly fascinating to the opposite sex.
I’ve already met a Certain Very Nice Man, but in the interest of educating my reading public here are some suggestions I gleaned from the book about meeting men:
First of all, it’s OK to have a friend help you meet someone. You bet! After the initial meet-up, though, you are on your own. As Helen Gurley Brown states, “Do let your friend help rope. You tie!”
Seek out those people who can introduce you to men. “Think carefully now. Who do you know with information that can lead to the capture of a most-wanted fugitive? Act now. Other bloodhounds are on his trail.”
Back off other bloodhounds!
Want to be “Man Bait”? I know I do!
Here are some ways to get those coveted men to start up a conversation with you:
Wear unusual jewelry, but not too unusual.
Carry a controversial book around like Lady Chatterley’s Lover or Marx’s Das Kapital.
When at the beach have the wildest towel on the sand and play solitaire on your towel.
Drive a funny car and paint it orange. (I really don’t get this, but I’ll do it anyway if it means attracting a man!)
Dress well and be the girl who walks everywhere. (OH! I’ve already got this covered with my morning walks around the neighborhood in my shiny spandex pants and Nordic Walking Poles! I am INDEED Morning Man Bait! Now I know why everyone stares at me!)
Flirting! Here’s some advice:
“A man is talking to you, nothing very personal. Look into his eyes. Never let your eyes leave his. Concentrate on his left eye…then his right…now deep into both. Smooth operators never take their eyes off a man even when the waiter spills a tray of drinks.”
Expect to have your cigarette lit.
Sit on your side of the car until he comes to open the door for you.
Have difficulty with packages.
Is your abode a Man Trap? Here's how to have one!
Have Gobs of Pictures
A Small TV
A Sexy Kitchen (Have at least thirty spices!)
Be sure to have an ashtray with two fresh cigarettes and matches in the bathroom.
It is essential for a single girl to cook well. However, it is NOT COOL to cook for a man too much when you are single! NO! As the book states, “Part of the price bachelors pay for staying single is to spend money taking girls out. No use in making their bachelorhood easy by feeding them like little mother.”
Presents? Heck yes! He’d better be willing to hand ‘em over.
“’I can’t give you love,’ is real depression era stuff. There must be something else you can give—a book of poetry, one perfect rose, if he’s a struggler; a vicuna coat, if a tycoon. Don’t expect a Thunderbird from anyone just because you have bestowed your most precious gift.”
(What? I don’t get my Thunderbird? How about a Ford Focus? A used car? A bike? A ride to work?)
So, what if that stubborn man just won’t make the all-important commitment? That’s when you bring out The Ultimatum: “Hardly any bachelor wants to get married. Even the most adorable, non-phobic one has to be gently but firmly prodded into matrimony. If the truth be known, many of your married girl friends whom you thought were the pursued darlings used everything from vapors to bloodletting to get their man. It’s nothing to be ashamed of.”
Bloodletting? Well, OK! Bring out the scalpel and some old towels!
I hope you’ve learned a little something from this post today. I know I’ve got quite a bit of work to do around here if I am to remain Man Bait and keep that Nice Man interested in me. I’ll be seeing him later today and intend to keep my eyes placed firmly on his, feed him very little, and struggle to carry my copy of Lady Chatterley’s Lover. Oh yeah.
Now you’ll have to excuse me. I have to go put on my girdle, start up the hi-fi, and put fresh cigarettes in the bathroom.