Saturday, January 21, 2012

Three Men and a Betty


As you can imagine, going through a divorce and finding out various things about your beloved mate of thirty years that are less than appealing, less than honest, can alter a girl's view on the entire species of men.

I started down that road, beginning to view all men through a skewed lens when the universe set down three men in my path to stop me from making that mistake.

They have all appeared, or reappeared in my life recently to teach me certain things, to make me understand that there are good, solid, decent men out there. They are my three wise men, bearing their own gifts and appearing just when I needed them to.

The first is rough around the edges, but with a heart of gold. He drives a big pickup truck and a Harley. He looks out for me, but never takes away my independence. He grounds me when I need it, and makes me smile with his bluntness and his honesty. He's been through similar circumstances and so, knowing the holidays would be hard, called on a regular basis to check up on how I was doing. He takes me for rides in his pickup to get veggie burgers, always makes sure I have a Diet Pepsi when I need it, and encourages me in the art of swearing when it feels good. He and I are unlikely friends, but we are indeed, friends.

The second is a man I have known for years and years. He now lives on the east coast. When he heard of my divorce he wrote me, sent me a box of healing presents, and a paper hug (his arms, traced out on paper, taped together). He is survivor of divorce and understands the pain of the process. He is also a survivor of cancer, of numerous surgeries, of many of life's trials. Through it all, however, he still maintains a sense of generosity and empathy. He may not know it, but he inspires me with his incredible courage. I recently spent time with him and sitting across from him, eating pizza and laughing, I was reminded how uncomplicated a good friendship can be.

A third man has recently entered/re-entered my life as evidence that smart, kind, patient men exist. Slogged down with all of the emotional garbage of divorce, and the emerging details that threaten my own sense of self-worth, I was beginning to believe some of the negative voices in my head. It was then this friend appeared to remind me that I am indeed a woman of substance, style, value and worth. He lives an hour away, and so I do not see him often, but when we do get together, we take long walks together and talk about everything under the sun. He encourages me on those days when I can't look at one more legal document. He writes me letters that make me smile. He is soft-spoken, and I am not, but we share the same sense of humor. He has brought back my smile, and optimism about men in general. He actually makes me think that maybe, someday, I might be able to trust someone with my battered heart again.

The world is filled with good people, and I am so lucky to be surrounded by them. In my family, and at my work, I have so many examples of good, sincere men of principle. However, I can't help but think that some force brought these three into my life to help me along this path at this time.

Each came, and in his own way helped me to learn a lesson I needed: not to take life so seriously, to face challenges with courage, and to trust in the future and all the incredible possibilities that await there.




53 comments:

Teresa Evangeline said...

The Three Wise Men. I love that. Thank you for sharing them with us. I think I needed to read this. I Know I did. I'm so glad you have them in your life.

Retired English Teacher said...

Way to go, Betty. There are many good men out there to have as friends and encouragers.

I was single for ten years after my brutal to my ego, lifestyle, and perception on life, divorce. During those ten years post divorce, I became myself again. It takes a long time, but I rediscovered who I was. I made new friends, and became independent and self reliant without isolating myself from new adventures and experiences.

At just the right time, ten years after my divorce, almost to the day, I married my first love and love of my life, my dear and wonderful husband. We had been high school sweethearts. He remains my rock, my best friend, and one of the greatest gifts of my life.

Life will flourish for you. You will have a beautiful life because you offer so much beauty to others.

One day at a time for now...Actually, life is best lived one day at time.

Kittie Howard said...

Bravo, Betty, for allowing your wise men to enter your life. Actually that takes guts - my mother went thru a nasty divorce, turned inward and allowed bitterness self-esteem issues to turn her into a mother we recognized but no longer knew. Good luck to you - yes, one day at a time.

Linda Myers said...

What a blessing, the Three Wise Men.

Stephanie V said...

Three Wise Men - excellent analogy. So good to see you blossoming again - spring must be on its way.

Susan in the Boonies said...

Glad to hear this, Betty. I do believe there are some good ones out there. But unfortunately, I've run into my own share of men with large secrets. It's a bit shattering.

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

I'm glad you have some men in your life now to reassure you. Really, we aren't all bad!!

floweringmama said...

Betty,
Sorry I haven't visited in such a long time. It is so good to know that you are not only surviving, but thriving!

Mommy on the Spot said...

I love how you describe these people as Wise Men.

A beautiful post!

BECKY said...

Wow, Betty! What a strange set of circumstances. You not only have ONE good man in your life, you have THREE! That is so great. I've always wished I had a great-guy-friend, but that doesn't happen very often! Hugs to you!

jenny_o said...

This is so good to hear. Yes, there are good people in the world, including men! So glad you've found these three to prove it.

Ruby said...

I am very happy to hear your positive note in your post Betty!! Hugs, Ruby

Linda said...

As always, Betty, I marvel at the wonderful friends that God has put into your life, at just the right time. Amazing love!

Ms. A said...

There ARE wise, caring men out there, you just have to sift through the garbage, with an open heart.

Bouncin Barb said...

Life does indeed go on and the fact that you are open minded to see what these men have brought to you is great. It means you are healing and that is a good thing. You deserve to be happy. Hugs BB.

Susan Gourley/Kelley said...

It takes tough times to appreciate how wonderful some of our friends really are. It can be humbling and exhilerating at the same time. I'm glad you have them.

Ami said...

I'm glad you're getting support from real people... not just imaginary ones like me. People who support you without any BS, people who have been there and aren't afraid to go BACK and look at how things were JUST to help you.
I think that's lovely, and I'm so glad you have that.

I find people to help heal my heart at the most unexpected times. People one might not expect to be so... good for you.

Just having an open heart and mind is a gift, and it sound like even though you have ever right to have closed both, you have not. You're still open. And generous for sharing how you feel and what things have been like for you.

(((Hugs))

Daisy said...

Betty, I believe those three men all appeared in your life just when you needed them to. I'm happy for you knowing they have been able to help you out along the way.

From the Mind of a Madman said...

Glad you found some of the good guys...... We r not all monsters........ Sounds like you were do for some good karma!

SUGAR MOON said...

Well written post. I enjoyed it and the title made me laugh out loud. I loved it!!! And there are good, decent men out there.

Sush said...

Wow...Life surprises us always. Good things have come your way . So happy some sunshine is again in your life.
Hugs~

Tabor said...

You are certainly blessed. You have lost a husband but seem to have gained far more valuable relationships!

Lin said...

And all men are made from the same mold.

Beautiful post, Betty. I like the hug guy--what a great idea. :)

faye said...

Hoo-ray for Betty !!!
You deserve kindness and happiness...
we all do.. so take the advice of the
wise ones... don't take life too seriously.. just breathe and savor each and every moment.

Hilary said...

I'm so glad for you that you have these fine people in your life. I know women who have gone through difficult divorces who absolutely believe the worst about all men. Broken trust is so damaging and far-reaching. But so is friendship and caring. I'm glad you have a good dose of the latter in your life. Did he really send you a paper hug? That is just so tender and sweet.

Shan said...

Of all the things I (who, I realize, barely knows you) finds upsetting about your divorce, it's that you have questioned your self-worth and value as a woman. You're a treasure.

I'm glad you have these three wise men (and your gal pals) to remind you.

EmptyNester said...

I absolutely love the way life brings us just the right people (and things) at just the right times. And I am especially glad that these men have come into your life just when you needed them. Friends are fantastic!

Eva Gallant said...

I'm glad the 3 Wise Men came into your life! There are good men out there.

Old Kitty said...

Lovely Betty!!! All I can say is YAY for your three wise men! May there be many many more!

I am so happy you are back in blogworld!

Take care
x

Brian said...

I am glad they we there at the right time, wise they all sound!

Madi and Mom said...

Hi BB and happy Saturday...you are the one going through a traumatic divorce with grace and courage I'm not sure I have. You make me feel strong. God Bless your 3 wise men and you,
Hugs C and the Diva

Ann said...

How lucky you are to have your own three wise men. So glad you have them to help you through. The one who came up with the paper hug is ingenious.

Gigi said...

Yes, Betty, there are good men out there who are willing to be the friends you need them to be - if you let them. Which you are. You are so blessed to be surrounded by such good friends.

Many hugs. You are not alone in this journey.

Peggy K said...

I am always in awe of how the Universe sends to us that which we need most, when we need it. I love that you have the Three Wise Men to help you see that there are good men in this world.

Too many times, the anger and bitterness that accompanies divorce are what lingers. That does nothing to better our world. I think your TWM are here to help you thru that.
Hugs, BB. You are one helluva strong woman!

ellen abbott said...

well, I'm glad for that. It is so hard when you love and trust and believe and then find out just how much of it was deception. I know, I've been there, not divorce but something just as shattering. Makes you doubt yourself, your ability to intuit what is right and real. but the thing is, the fault lies not with you for trusting but with the other party for being deceptive. remember that. you lost a false reality. he lost a goddamn good woman.

Nicole said...

Gosh Betty, I am so happy for you! I am soooo glad there are some good men out there. And the tracing of the arms for a hug?? Seriously? That's very romantic. My goodness, I just wrote about romance today - this story is a perfect example!

Rawknrobyn.blogspot.com said...

Thanks for this heartwarming post. It's helpful to see value in MANkind.
xoRobyn

Anne Gallagher said...

Very very lucky you. I wish I had your optimism, or your 3 wise men, when it comes to men. After what my ex did to me, I very much doubt I will ever trust another man ever again in my life. So good for you, I'm very happy you have those guys.

SueAnn said...

You have been blessed..three times over. That is so wonderful
Tis good to have traveling companions..,especially ones that lift us up!!
Hugs
SueAnn

john said...

"can alter a girl's view on the entire species of men." MEN?!? Betty, you're helping 'un-alter' a guy's view on the entire species of WOMEN! :)

john said...

Did you know that when you hit 'enter' , like to space down in the comment box, that it 'publishes'? does for me... Anyway, i got so flustered trying to get the comment 'back up' before I realised that it was gone that I now have forgotten what verbiage I had in mind to attempt cuteness by adding that your writing may well help people I know's [can I use that contraction?] skewered few of the female of the species. The honesty and emotion displayed shows that not all women are cold, vicious, moneygrubbing creatures with quartz for a heart ; which is the view that most of my male friends that have been thru divorce feel. [As an aside, these men have all been left by a female in circumstances similar to yours...and one of the women definitely has that view of men now as she's going thru the process like you.]
Came off clumsily since my ID 10 T error, but I was just going to add to not be down on yourself for occasionally feeling that way. It's natural, but there are quality people in both sexes - and some very low ones. I'm just glad it hasnt taken years for you to find out!

Pat said...

Funny, I just finished reading "A Christmas Wedding", where a woman, 54, is proposed to by 3 different men! No on knows which one she will choose and it comes down to her wedding day.

You are very lucky to have these three wise men come into your life at this moment. It is so easy to become bitter with the opposite sex when going through a divorce.

Tracy said...

Betty,
Life certainly is about lessons and the 'angels' that teach us are at times unpredictable. Throughout this journey you will laugh, cry, have confidence in yourself and doubt yourself but much more you will learn about yourself and others...

Pat Tillett said...

It seems that sometimes, when we need them the most, things and people that can help us, are placed in our paths. Good things happen to good people and you are one of the good ones...

Kazzy said...

This post gave me great hope! It is normal to get synical, but your friends are rock stars to help you see the possibilities of good in people.

Liz @ A Nut in a Nutshell said...

So nice to see that you're breathing again in this way. :)

Mrs. Tuna said...

It is good to have peeps to lean on and know you so well.

SquirrelQueen said...

There are good men in the world although when I was single they seemed few and very far between. It is hard to find one but you have three, that is wonderful!

Jennifer Shirk said...

That's so wonderful, Betty. I'm glad there are some good men and friends in your life, who have gone what you have and can help you.

Catherine said...

Love the post title - very cute!

Slowly but surely the good things are coming!!!

xo Catherine

Susan Fields said...

It sounds like you're very blessed to have such wonderful friends! I absolutely love the paper hug!

KleinsteMotte said...

Well it's good to know that there are still some who care and that they have put back your smile.

busana muslim said...

woww great post good luck