Friday, August 19, 2011

It's Time




It's time.

We've bought the extra long twin sheets. We've gathered up office supplies. We've packed up his computer and printer. We've run out all the information from the college about where to park at the dorm for the fifteen minute unloading session.

Logistically, we are ready to move Evan to college today.

This move has been in the plans for months and still, I look at his suitcase packed with his t-shirts and jeans and my throat gets tight.

I have seen that suitcase packed up for trips before, but on those trips, he always came back with us.

This time he won't.


My regular readers know that my oldest son left just a few weeks ago to go to graduate school in Virginia.

Now this one flies away to a college nine hours away.

I am not ready for this empty nest.

I'll miss hearing those footsteps in the hall. I'll miss the music from his room. I'll miss buying the snacks I know he likes.

I'll miss all of his friends who have made this house their second home.


I am proud of this boy--my youngest son--and I want the world for him. I am so happy he has this opportunity.

I am the one who urged him to spread his wings and fly away to a four-year university and yet...

and yet...

and yet...

I know when we leave him at his dorm, wave goodbye, and turn toward home without him, it will feel like the most unnatural act in the world.

Every fiber of my being will long to turn the car around for just one more smile,

just one more conversation,

just one more hug.

What a blessed and wonderful life I have. What a blessed and wonderful life my children have. They are springing into their adult lives from a firm foundation of a loving family.

All of the changes that happening now are good and right and I am grateful for it all.


Please understand.

It's not the boy I want to hold back.

It's time.







63 comments:

Hilary said...

Ahhh I know that feeling so well. Congrats on a job well done. Raising a child to independence... to flight.. to life is something of which to be very proud. If you ever figure out the time thing, please let me know.

Nancy @ A Rural Journal said...

So hard to let them fly solo (even though Momma Bird is always underneath, waiting to catch them if they fall.)

Laura Eno said...

It's hard, I know! You become used to a new rhythm though, which has its own rewards.

faye said...

Hugs for you Betty ... I know it will
be difficult to drive away.

Old Kitty said...

OH my goodness!!! BB!! Hugs, hugs, hugs!! Safe journey to all of you! Take care
x

Mary Ann Tate said...

That last letting go is one of the hardest things in the world. But new things happen down the road. My youngest just celebrated his third wedding anniversary:)

Leah J. Utas said...

It'll be difficult, but I know you'll bear up. Beset of luck to your son.

Laura said...

I know the feeling oh so well! And I send many mom hugs your way. He's leaving for a good thing and that will help your sadness somewhat (hopefully). It will be tough for a while, but...I don't like to say it'll get better, just that you will get used to it. (((HUGS)))

blueviolet said...

omg, I've got tears now. I'm in the same boat you're in, and half the time I think it's sinking. I wish we could get together and commiserate in our empty nests.

Flartus said...

Oh dear...is there a good ice cream shop on the way home? Or maybe two ice cream shops?

Nat said...

Oh Betty! So sad for you, but hoping it all goes well for Evan...

Leanne said...

Oh, Betty. I've got a lump in my throat for you, my sweet. "it's not the boy I want to hold on to, it's the time" . . . oh, Betty. I feel for you. Hugs, my friend. Saying "I'm sorry" is so wrong, isn't it? Thinking of you.

Out on the prairie said...

Tough to send them off. I had a bad time when they were younger.

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

You'll get through it. Be sure to tell him all of that though, even if he gets embarrassed.

Al Penwasser said...

Yep, yep, I know. It wasn't much fun cleaning out my son's room yesterday. But, Thanksgiving is coming.....
Someone told me something yesterday which gave me some peace (kinda), "Isn't that what you raised them for? So that they would eventually go out on your own?"
I agree with you, though. I'd like to stall time for a little bit.
After all, I wasn't done with choo-choos, swingsets, and "Goodnight Moon" just yet.

Nicolasa @ {My}Perspective said...

So hard to let them go as a parent and whether we as children admit it or not, it is hard to watch our parents leave. As much as we LOVE to be independent and do new things on our own we miss the comfort of your voice and the feeling of your hug. Good luck dropping him off. 4 years will go by in a flash!

floweringmama said...

Awww Betty. This was a tear jerker. It's our job as parents to raise our children to one day leave us.

Big hugs to you!

Hilary Melton-Butcher said...

Hi Betty .. not an easy time .. but you'll have many happy days ahead .. as they become friends as well as sons .. I can understand you wanting to hold back time - they want time to move on .. for a while!! Exciting for them and they'll have so much to tell you .. cheers Hilary

baygirl32 said...

I'm choked up for you! who ever said this parenting racket was easy

Brian said...

He will do fine, after all, he has wonderful parents!!!

Linda said...

This was a very touching and heart-felt post, BB. The knowledge that he has you and HOB behind him, loving and supporting, will give Evan the strength he needs to succeed.

ellen abbott said...

Good job mom. I didn't really suffer from 'empty nest' but that may be because both my kids stayed in town.

Madi and Mom said...

BB,
What a beautiful post written by a very brave and loving mom and dad.
The university in VA and the one in CA are lucky to have your two sons attending. Safe travels today and big hugs to you all as you say so long for a few months.
Hugs Madi and Mom

Isis Rushdan said...

What a heartfelt post. Make sure he reads this!

Caro said...

Are you ok? They grow up so fast, soon he'll be engaged and then you'll be a grandma. :)

That Janie Girl said...

What an exciting time for Evan, and y'all. (even though your heart is breaking)...

He's a beautiful young man.

Thinking of you!!

Kristina said...

What a bittersweet time BB! But it's an exciting time! :)

Eva Gallant said...

It can be painful watching the baby bird leave the nest! Hugs!

jenny_o said...

Lordy, now I'm crying ...

Stay strong for Evan. He's having mixed emotions too, I bet. Cry on the way home. Go out for supper with HOB (eat in the car in case you cry again, in the FRONT seat this time! I've been reading the archives). Then go home and look at the possibilities opened up by all the extra time you have now.

And if that doesn't work, just know so many of us are thinking of you.

Tabor said...

Since I see this looking back from the far other side, I just want you to know that this is a tiny wound, although most painful right now, and it will heal and the world will be right once again.

Daisy said...

I understand. Indeed I do. Hugs to you, Betty.

Leslie said...

Ugh. That made me cry!!

Ms. A said...

I'll cry with you. Poor Betty. I really do know how you feel and how hard it is. While you raise them to be independent and know this day will come, it doesn't make it the least bit easier.

Blessings.

Jules said...

If you haven't left yet, leave a radio on. A simple trick for the returning. My sympathy and my congratulations. Sympathy for the empty nest and congratulation on raising a child in a loving home. :)
Jules @ Trying To Get Over The Rainbow

Retired English Teacher said...

My eyes are brimming with tear. You put it so aptly. It is time we wish to hold back.

Speaking of time, HOB does not look like he has aged a bit while your son was growing up.

Sarah said...

I will soon face this myself and I can't help being teary eyed, but two within a month? That's brutal! In trying to teach them right, we have to let go the leash. Ugh!

Liz said...

At first I was thinking #2 would be easier to send to college, but then the "empty nest" thing hit and I was like, "Ooooh, this is not good."

You'll get through it, BB! Hang tough!

Gigi said...

Oh bless you, I know it's hard (and I know I'm not looking forward to sending my one and only off next year!). It's so hard to believe that the time passes so fast. I'm still looking for the little guy that used to run around here in a diaper dragging his Pooh Bear along....he was here just a minute ago.

Many hugs.

welcome to my world of poetry said...

This took me back to when my three flew the nest, a lump in my throat, a forced smile on my face.
A big hug then after each one in turn left, the tears ran down my face. You can't have them home forever. I wish them and you luck.

Yvonne.

Ann said...

it's hard letting go, here have a tissue, I'm sure you'll be needing it :) Isn't it funny how when they are growing up you wish they were this age or that so things would be easier. Then when all is said and done you wish that just for a few more minutes they could be your little baby again.

karen said...

Every time I read about someone who is facing an empty nest, by throat gets tight and I get teary. I remember it all too well. It's a tough time, and you'll miss them. A lot. (I won't lie to you) But it does get better, and down the road when they come back, they start bringing new daughters and sons, and then really cute little newcomers. And the cycle starts all over again.

Rawknrobyn.blogspot.com said...

You're making me tear up again, Betty. You and your kids are blessed.
xoRobyn

Sush said...

Oh BB, I so understand and my heart aches for you and in remembering those days when we were leaving ours.

So today and for several days...lots and lots of Hugs from me to you!

Anne Gallagher said...

Oh Betty, I think I might cry on that whole 9 hour trip to drop him off.

Susan in the Boonies said...

Yer killin' me here, Betty.

Knock it off!!!

Hugs!

Donna said...

And that's the One thing that just won't stand still...Bless your hearts!!!
hughugs

Catherine said...

Good luck to your son Betty as he starts his new adventure. And good luck to you in being strong and letting him go. It's so hard to stretch those apron strings before they completely break!

Big hugs!

xo Catherine

Kazzy said...

Aw, best of luck to him!

Where in VA?

Theresa Milstein said...

Oh, Betty. What a hard time. I hope you find fulfilling ways to fill this empty nest.

Your husband changed much less than your son!

Bouncin' Barb said...

Mom and Dad deserve a pat on the back. They did a great job raising some fine kids!!! It will be Thanksgiving break before you know it!

Lin said...

Oh, Betty, I can feel your pain. On one hand, you are so happy that he is going forward, learning new things, meeting new people. But then there is that other hand--the one that leaves your house too quiet, your dinner table empty. As hard as it is to send your first-born off, I think the last one is worse, don't you?

((hugs))pally. I know where you are coming from--totally. If you would like to rent my 16 year old daughter for awhile, you let me know. After a week or so of all her crying and crabbin, you'll relish the quiet. ;)

Oz Girl said...

I do understand. I've been there. It does make the throat get tight. Good grief, just thinking about it now (it happened 8 years ago for me!) makes my throat get tight!!

Trust me when I say it gets better. The initial pain gives way to a wonderful sense of freedom.

Eventually. :-)

Mellisa Rock said...

Brought tears to my eyes and reminds me that I really need to squeeze every single moment out of these kids before they fly the coop!

Baby Sister said...

Sending you hugs!! I hope he is well settled in by now, and that you're doing okay.

Susan Gourley/Kelley said...

I still have one at home and she'll be the toughest to let go. Hope move in goes well. Parking on college campuses during move in is a dicey situation.

Ally said...

Awww Betty, how sad, yet exciting. I'm not good with change. I remember my mom's tears when she hugged me goodbye and left me five states away from home.

Linda Myers said...

I had a similar tough time when my younger son left home for the third time at 23. I knew this time he wouldn't be coming back. He was finally ready to be on his own.

Watching them out there in the world is pretty cool too.

Lazarus said...

You're a great mom Bossy. Maybe a bit bossy (hence the nickname) but, undoubtedly, a great mom.

Katherines Corner said...

I actually said out loud Awww when I read this . My sweet bloggy friend. Time goes by so quickly. His future awaits him. It's so hard to see them go. You know my baby is 31 now.
I send you a big HUG!

Mrs. Tuna said...

They always come back for a mom hug, Thanksgiving break is right around the corner.

Zuzana said...

I am (sadly) not a mom, but I think as a very sensitive and empathetic woman I can so understand what you must feel...
Recently I saw my step daughter and step son leave for a school away from home and I could feel how difficult this was not just for their parents, but even me.
But I guess that is the circle of life and even the pain reminds of how beuatiful it is.;))
xoxo

CM said...

Awwwwwww! {{hugs}}

Ok, now I NEVER want my boys to grow up, this kind of made me sad. Yet, I'm happy for you and your son too. He'll do great I bet!

scrapwordsmom said...

I LOVE this and I love how you say...it's not the boy you want to hold back...it's time.

Beautifully said.

I am thinking of you sweet, Betty!!!