Wednesday, May 25, 2011

It's Summer. Please Report to the Appropriate Stage.

Today! Betty Provides Unprecedented Insight into the Mysteries of Summerization


The end of the school year was intense. I graded papers like a maniac, gave tests, finished up my committee work, got final reports in to the dean, submitted my grades and went to graduation.

It was a mad race to the finish.

Then it all stopped.

It came to a skidding halt.

I woke up on Monday and I didn’t need to go in.

Great! Amazing! Unbelievable!

Just really, really weird too.

I’ve been teaching for a lot of years and every year I, and many of my fellow teachers, go through certain stages during the summer months.

For your convenience, I hereby list them in a handy guide below:

(Important Note: Some people go through these stages in weeks, perhaps months. I have one very hyperactive/efficient friend who can cycle through these in a matter of hours.)

Stage One: Hibernation. After so much contact with people, dispensing information, answering questions, we are ready to be alone. Ahhh…solitude. Time and permission to be a complete hermit.

Stage Two: Gleeful Slob. Pajamas stay on into the afternoon hours. Mindless TV. Reading binges. Potato chips dipped in ranch dressing eaten in bed.

Stage Three: Sobering Realization: Passing into the kitchen to get another jumbo box of Ding Dongs, we glance at the mirror. Looking at the dried food upon our ragged sweatshirts, we decide enough is enough.

Stage Four: Epiphany /Hyperactivity: Time is slipping by. Some sort of schedule needs to be enforced. Lists must be made. Time to do all the things we’ve put off. Closets are cleaned out. Pantries sorted out. We haul carloads of stuff to the Goodwill.

Stage Five: Stirrings to Socialize with Others/Sullen Procrastinator: Realization that other people are working and unable to play with us. What’s up with that? Where is everybody? We grow restless. We could actually work on materials for next semester. Nah….

Stage Six: Reintroduction to Society: We finally score a meeting with a friend. Go out to tea. All she says is “Do you know where the packets of sugar are?” and we go into long, involved instructions concerning:

1) How to get to the area that has the sugar
2) How to reach into the bin to get packets of sugar
3) Recommendation of how many packets she should get
4) Best/most efficient route back to table.
5) Request for detailed report on her recent trip to sugar station.

Suddenly, we realize that we miss telling people what to do, when, and how to do it.

There are more stages, but I think this gives you a general idea of the process I like to call Summerization.

I won’t tell you just where I am in this progression, but I can assure you that I am more advanced than others and am not wasting any of this precious time.

I am working very hard.

Indeed, after more intense research, my report on whether ranch dressing adheres to Ruffles or Lays potato chips better should be ready very soon.


46 comments:

Teresa Evangeline said...

Happy Summer, BB! Please let me know the results of your research soon, as I've always been a Ruffles person, but didn't have sufficient data.

Nancy said...

If only there was a pause button for spring and summer -- hope you are enjoying your time off. :)

Nat said...

Stage 6 sounds a bit daunting for the friend in the equation :-) Have a great break...

Leah J. Utas said...

I look forward to your report.

Out on the prairie said...

And at the end of summer they have you come back and expect 100% after letting you fade into oblivion.

Seams Inspired said...

Happy Summer whatever stage you're in, Betty!

PS...I'm a Chili Cheese Fritos and Jalapeno Bean Dip kind of girl; therefore, I cannot provide data for your Lays/Ruffles/Ranch Dip experiment.

Happy Wednesday! :o)

Anne Gallagher said...

I remember Summerization very well. That has all changed with the move to NC.

Watch the weather reports for tornado warnings.

Decide the optimum hour for grass mowing.

Going to 3 different stores to see if the 'big' pools are on sale yet.

How much fun! (And I really do think ranch dressing sticks better on Doritos.)

Old Kitty said...

Awww BB!! May you find lots of minions to boss about!! Yay!!! Enjoy your break!! Take care
x

baygirl32 said...

I am really looking forward to that ranch dressing report, be sure to include pictures or you will lose marks!!

Have a great summer

Tabor said...

I must say that I enjoyed this version of your summer. A little like the first few months of retirement.

Madi and Mom said...

Morning BB,
Mom and I think you are on stage 4 because we know you are a mover and a shaker and take delight in getting things done!! How many 'honey dew' projects have you lined up. Let's see last summer it was a new vanity....MOL
madi

Linda said...

You really need to try cream cheese and chives on your Seyfert's Curlie potato chips. It's a bit stiffer than traditional dips, and you can expect to break some chips in it. But the taste is so good it's worth the bother. Combine it with a non-diet Pepsi and a good book...say, the Count of Monte Cristo...and your summer vacation couldn't be off to a better start.

Brian said...

I could get stuck on the potato chip stage myself!

Cricket said...

Oh, Ruffles without a doubt. Which also go well with, quite improbably, almost melted vanilla ice cream. As dip. Yeah, yeah... I know, but don't knock it 'til you try it. It was a college thing. Don't ask.

Actually, I have the reverse problem. My wife is the teacher, and of course there are also the children, so when vacation begins, I have to adjust to having all these people in the house all day, most of whom want something from me, simultaneously or sequentially.

Either way, "vacation time," for me, is anything but. She, on the other hand, follows your stages quite closely, I'd say.

Eva Gallant said...

Having been a teacher myself for 17 years, I remember your stages very well. You hit the nail on the head with this post!

Pat said...

It's only Day 3. I think you should still be in Hibernation, myself.

Daisy said...

I prefer Ruffles myself, because of the ridges and all. Enjoy your summer, Betty! :-D

blueviolet said...

You crack me up! Now don't go wasting all summer being responsible and advanced. Step back a stage or two, would ya?

jenny_o said...

Sounds like a great way to decompress. How's the reading going? Any recommendations? There's a great chance to order us around!

SUGAR MOON said...

LOL. Great post!!

Flartus said...

Oh, how I wish that I'd had this guide when I was teaching full-time. I tended to attempt Stage Four first, before sliding inevitably back to Stage One. Then, of course, I'd get stuck in Stage Three with a sick combination of paralyzing guilt and rationalized laziness.

Perhaps with your guidance, I might have been able to achieve some degree of normalcy. You could have told me just what to do!

Jennifer Shirk said...

You are hilarious! :)

Thanks for telling me about Potato chips dipped in ranch dressing eaten in bed. Me thinks I need to get me some of that summerization.

Rawknrobyn.blogspot.com said...

I like hanging out at stage 2 also. Love your lengthy instructions regarding the sugar packets, though.
xoRobyn

floweringmama said...

Oh my! Shh, try the honey mustard on the chips! I won't tell...

Enjoy your break! You deserve it.

Anonymous said...

Once you reach the hyperactivity stage, please look me up. I wouldn't want you to lack for projects.

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Those are funny stages! Where are you right now?

Ms. A said...

Reading #3 made me realize... it must be a heck of a lot cooler where you are... I'm sweating bullets and sweatshirts are out of the question.

Gigi said...

I go through the stages every week - from Friday through Sunday night. Have a great summer, Betty!

Marlene said...

I love your breakdown of the "stages". Ha ha! I think I'm perpetually eating chips with dip.

Catherine said...

Doesn't it make you wonder about retirement? The first time you realize that you don't have to get up and go to work... ever again?

Hmmm.......

Happy Wednesday dear Betty!
xo Catherine

Ann said...

summerization sounds like something that i would love to experience. The closest I can get is a one week staycation. Happy stages to you

SquirrelQueen said...

That sounds like a worthy research project, we look forward to reading your findings.

Enjoy your break!

faye said...

I know a few 'retired' teachers who
went directly to stage 6 and haven't
been stuck there for years...

Great post Betty !!!

Lydia K said...

Yes, yes, great minds think alike! I like your list! Welcome to summer. :)

CM said...

Ha! That is too funny! I like how you showed us the progression.

This reminded me of when I worked the afternoon shift in patrol. Once I went to the day shift, I suddenly realized I felt normal, like the rest of the world again.

Retired English Teacher said...

I can relate. Been there, done that. You just relate the process in a much more clever way. Loved it!

Shan said...

I have 34 days until my summerization can begin. Maybe I should start stocking up on ranch dip and potato chips now.

Zuzana said...

Oh, so you started summer already, lucky you.;)) I think I can relate to your description of your summer's stages.;) They remind me of the stages in my vacation.;))
Enjoy your well deserved break.;))
xoxo

Theresa Milstein said...

I can so relate! When the year ends, I feel elated, but it's short-lived. The next day I think, this is weird.


Happy hibernation to socialization summer!

slommler said...

Then I think you are doing very well. Looking forward to your report!
Hugs
SueAnn

Brian Miller said...

nice. we are down to 9 days of school left...yay! enjoy your summer!!!

Anonymous said...

who goes through summerization in a matter of hours? it isn't me! However, I have cleaned and straightened my bathroom cabinets, recycled lots of little bottles of travel thingies, am planning a donation next week, and have decided lays barbecue potato chips dipped in ranch followed by a diet coke with a side of chips ahoy while watching ax men is the greatest thing, ever.
pg

EmptyNester said...

Oh Betty! You crack me up! I'll be waiting for your report on the chips and Ranch dressing!

The Adorkable Ditz said...

I think even us students have that process.

Baby Sister said...

Ahhh, this was great. I'm like that in the winter when I get my 2 week vacation...unfortunately, I don't have much time to veg before I have to kick in gear and get a lot done. *sigh* It's sad, really...

Sara said...

I'm taking the month of June off from Sarandipity, and this Sunday will be my first free one in a long string of months. I may just go through all of the stages in one single day, but I swear I'm not hyperactive :)