Friday, May 20, 2011

Be Offended. It's Easy to Do.

Zelda Is Waiting For The Ego To Get Out.
It Might Be a Long Wait....

I recently read an article by Dr. Wayne Dyer in which he suggested that one way to be happier in life is to give up being offended.

What a rat.

I know he wrote that just to offend me.

I am pretty sure he remembers me from an audience of a thousand people I was in once when I heard him speak. He knew I would be reading that article and wrote that just to get me back for slurping my Diet Pepsi too loudly during one of his precious moments of silence on stage.

Oh yeah. He’s out to get me for that.

Do you happen to know someone who is easily offended?

(Calm down. Calm down. I am NOT talking about you. Don’t get all riled up.)

Dr. Wayne “Smarty Pants” Dyer suggests we make it a point to give up being offended. He states, “The behavior of others isn’t a reason to be immobilized. That which offends you only weakens you. If you’re looking for occasions to be offended, you’ll find them at every turn. This is your ego at work convincing you that the world shouldn’t be the way it is.”

Now don’t get your feathers ruffled. I think there are times when we all get our emotional ya-ya’s out by getting offended in some way.

Let’s face it: It’s like a big, warm bath for the ego.

When somebody cuts us off in traffic, we love to get all righteous about it, revving up our motors, trying to catch up with the car just so we can shoot the driver dirty looks. They did us wrong! This wrong must be addressed!

Splish Splash

When some receptionist gives us what we consider less than happy service, we feel slighted and, given the right environmental conditions in our own heads, we can give these small snub enough steroids to make it an Insult! An offense! A slur! Why, it was Abuse!!!

More bubbles! And I mean NOW!

And what real good IS an offense unless we tell others (many others) of the incident?

In this dessert portion of the event, there may (will) be embellishment each and every time we tell the story. Soon that ripped jogging suit you were wearing at the time of the slight becomes a white flowing gown and that harsh, growling voice you may have used at the time becomes a soft, polite cloud of whispers. The offender, on the other hand, becomes meaner, more ugly, and grows more unsightly facial hair with every telling.

Heat up the water just a little more, begs the ego. I’m not quite ready to get out of the tub just yet. It’s delicious here in the embryonic fluid of perceived offense.

HOB (Husband of Betty) believes in going to the grocery store a lot. He, unlike Pioneer Betty, is of the “go to the store for a few items” school of thinking. For a while every time he came home from the store, he complained about the bag boy.

“He never bags my groceries right. I’ve seen him bag other people’s right, but never mine. He also goes really slowly when it’s my stuff. He won’t even talk to me or make eye contact with me.”

I suggested he get in anther line.

“Oh, that’s just it!” he said, his eyes narrowing and taking on a manic sheen, his words heavy with suspicion. “He watches and waits to see what line I’m in and then he moves to that line, just so he can screw up my bags.”

I made the appropriate sympathetic wifely noises each and every time he complained.

Then I went to the store.

I saw the boy in question.

I came home.

“You do realize that he is developmentally disabled, don’t you?” I asked HOB.

He looked at me with a confused look. “He is?”

Cold Shower of Reality. Brrrrr…..

Most of us can keep those baths for the ego down to a few per month, but for some people, being offended is like a daily vitamin that they must have.

(No. No. Darling! Not YOU!)

No matter what how you try and reframe the situation, they are convinced the offense took place.

“I really don’t think he meant anything by dropping the pencil in front of you.”

“OH, yes he did! He knew exactly what he was doing! His message was VERY clear to me.”

After awhile, it’s no fun hanging out with such people. Their conversations consist of the litany of offenses they have had to deal with, and well, it gets boring fast.

Here is Betty’s list of nightmare companions. I think your brain can fill in the scenarios with lightning speed.

The easily offended driver

The easily offended restaurant patron

The easily offended co-worker

The easily offended family member

The easily offended spouse

The easily offended neighbor

The easily offended blog reader (Alas, there are some.)

Are you shuddering yet?

I thought so.

I believe these fine folks deserve a Crest/Coat of Arms of their very own. However, my drawing skills would offend many of you, so I teamed up with my friend Georgina at Georgina Dollface to use her fabulous drawing skills to produce one.

Click here and hop on over to see it.

If you don’t, I’ll be very offended.


floweringmama said...

Today's post is great! And I just love that coat of arms. I have known (know) those who are easily offended. The world is out to get them and make their lives miserable.

It's best not to surround yourself with negativity, ya know!

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Well I never!
Just kidding!
I hardly even notice stuff like that. I'm not easily offended because I just don't think too much or read anything into people's words or behavoir.
Except behind the wheel. What can I say?

Peggy K said...

What an inspirational post to remind me that those little offenses I sometimes feel are a product of MY emotions!!
Hand me the towel, please...I'm done with my bath!

Anne Gallagher said...

Are you sure you're not talking to me? Depending on the day, I do get easily offended. (Menopause may be the culprit). However, also depending on how big the perceived slight, I usually get over it pretty quick.

And tell HOB I bag my own groceries and once even offended the manager when he said he would do it. (I hate the way they put their grubby little fingers all over my cut watermelon and leave prints on the best part.)

Catherine said...

Isn't it amazing how one sucky thing happening in our day can ruin our whole day? Call it being offended, hurt feelings, whatever ~ we really do let the little things bother us too much don't we? Such a waste of time when you think about it.

Some very wise words you have here today Betty!
xo Catherine

PS ~ I take hubby along grocery shopping and so he bags our groceries!! :)

Leanne said...

I must tell you, my friend, that this post is so very timely for me. I have been struggling with someone in my life and you hit the nail right on the head. They have that victim mentality that sends my head spinning, and they are . . . offended. Yep. That's it.

Now that I better understand them - how do I handle it? hmmmm . . . wonder what suggestions Dr. Dryer would have. I'll have to research.

Great read, B! Thanks!

Old Kitty said...

I don't think I get offended as much. I think I just get upset - more so because I feel whatever was upsetting upset other people! I'm a natural empath and feel their pain!! :-)

Take care BB! x

Me said...

A very excellent post! I need to share this :)

Connie said...

Good morning, Betty! You are very wise. :-) Thank you for this well-written piece. Have a good weekend!

Unknown said...

I'm jealous that you saw Dr. Dyer in person. I love him. She's so real. This was a great post to read. Thanks.


I don't get offended easily except when I get insulted by disrepectful relatives who think I should take their insults without saying anything.

Loved your read, most enjoyable.

Leah J. Utas said...

Oh, yeah. I don't offend that easily, but I know those who do. I don't get the waste of energy, and I really don't get why these people have such high regard for themselves. I can't be around those types for very long.

Cool Gal said...

I love your posts. They are my dose of reality (you certainly have a way of putting things into perspective).

I popped on over to see the crest. Didn't want to offend you...LOL! Awesome!

Wishing you a happy weekend!

LOL about the "hubby" and the grocery boy. They can be so clueless sometimes!

Lori said...

I have read a lot of Wayne Dwyers wisdom and heard this before...I am not one to be easily offended or upset...I just know that people have bad day's and that there are just plain mean or rude people in our world and I refuse to let them steal my joy....I am more likely to be upset or offended over injustices done to vulnerable people..those that cannot stick up for or defend themselves.

The times that I do find myself being overly sensitive or easily offended there is usually a deeper culprit...whether it be pain, a lack of sleep or hormone

Terry's Tete-a-tete said...

Think I may have been on both sides of the table on this one. Try hard not to offend and don't get offended easily, but there are times. Lol on the HOB.

Out on the prairie said...

So when I showed up at the conference with my western styled baby blue leisure suit, many who were around me shouldn't have questioned my selection. It has some fond memories of days gone by.

Heather said...

Ok. I dare to say this as sometimes my husband reads the blogs I read.
He is easily offended.
Didn't rain today - Personal affront from God.
A kid failed to do his homework - He is insulted.
And on and on and on.
When I tell him he can't take everything personally....he is also offended.
What is a laid back person to do?

Caro said...

I dont get offended easily, but when I do I have a tendency to blow out.

Linda at To Behold The Beauty said...

Oh, the easily offended restaurant patron is one that gets me every time. And I'm not even a restaurant employee, just a person who is uncomfortable sitting at the same table with someone who makes an issue of every little thing. Offenses are always there if we look for them. I choose not to look.

Unknown said...

I am so offended! Just kidding...I love this post Betty!! I can't stand it when people are so easily offended...usually I end up being the one who has unknowingly offended's hard to try to censor everything you say and do so as not to offend anyone, so I don't do that anymore, I just say what I feel, that may be menopause too!...and it takes a lot to offend me! Unless someone gets right in my face and says something like, "You're ugly and stupid", I'm not offended..most people don't even realize that they've offended you, it's not worth it to let some little 'offense' ruin your day...peace to you Betty!

Unknown said...

This is a great post! Love the Coat of Arms! Too funny!! :) When I become someone easily annoyed with people (especially the same couple people) I tend to put my distance from them - I don't like to be that person all bitter, so I put an end to it. The small stuff, day to day people that are rude - are they really worth my time? I mean really - there are 1440 minutes in my day, and they just were crappy 3-5 minutes of it, maybe a little longer - that doesn't even equal 1% of my day --totally not worth it. But the people that sometimes make up for 1/4 or more of my day that drive me absolutely nutty and on a rant - those are the ones that I make the executive decision to put distance from because I don't have the time or the energy to be nutty thanks to one idiot.
My husband and I have had similar talks as you and HOBS did about the disabled bagger. Then they feel horrible. lol

Anonymous said...

I don't know about offended blog reader but I'm the offended blog writer. What else is blogging for!! Good one! Also, lurves Georgina Dollface!

Brian said...

Hey, I don't offend easily, if something bugs me I just take a nap until it passes! Have a wonderful weekend Betty!

Laura Eno said...

Haha! I looked, I looked! Great post, Betty. :)

Ann said...

I think I recognized several people in this post (I of course not being one of them) Loved the doodle, the bottom part reminded me of a customer I had one time. I said "thank you, have a nice day" and he responded with "don't tell me what kind of day to have"

Sally Wessely said...

Oh, Bossy Betty, I needed to read this post. You don't know how much I needed to read this. I think I need to print this out, and print out the coat of arms that goes with it, as a reminder to stop suffering from small slights.

I come from a long line of easily offended. I've tried to fight against it for a long time, but I've found myself sliding down the slippery slope lately.

Well said!

Pat said...

People are funny. Not ha ha funny. Well, yeah, that, too, but funny, odd, funny, too. I know some people who always feel that the world is out to get them. It must be awful to live like that!

Unknown said...

PS- I've summoned you over at my blog. Deal with it. Oh, and I know you are a rule breaker - SO...I'm not offended.

Fresh Garden said...

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance.

Unknown said...

I'm too pissed off to comment!

My Mind's Eye said...

Good morning beautiful Zelda!!
The aqua shower curtain is lovely with your furs.
Your So. feline friend,

BB I know you are an English teacher and might I say you are a good one and an excellent example for you students. Please tell them anytime they question what you tell them TO READ YOUR BLOG...because your writing is amazing. I love today's post.

Brian Miller said...

it is a good thing i am not easily offended or i would tell you to stop talking about not so nice language...smiles. have a wonderful weekend betty!

Lydia Kang said...

I've been better at learning to let the smaller things roll off my back. But I can't possibly stop being offended at everything!

Ms. A said...

I'm easily offended. Unfortunately, I'm also guilty of doing the offending, with my big, honest, can't keep it shut, mouth.

Georgina did a great job on the crest!

Nancy C said...

Last time I was offended was by a family member. But I re-offended back, so I guess we're square.

Empty Nester said...

Thanks a lot for writing a post all about me. LOL

I try really hard not to take things personally---or be offended. Mostly because my mother is like that to the point that we hate going to visit her and we won't go anywhere in public with her.

Your post was great! A little humor with the honesty. Gotta love that!

Liz said...

Oh, the woes of the chronic victims! Poor them!

(insert eye rolls)

I love the horse giving the lion "the hand." :)

Beth Zimmerman said...

That coat of arms is awesome! I could even wear it upon occasion though I'm trying to do better! :) said...

Dr. Wayne Dyer said that? I used to worship him. Then I read this post. Thanks for revealing what an offensive smarty-pants he is.

I always love Georgina's artwork.

Kittie Howard said...

Great post, Betty! And thank you. I needed to read this post. I was offended this a.m. when something that was supposed to be delivered wasn't (paid extra)...*sighs* Think I'll pop a Diet Pepsi (love those things) and get on with life!!

Anonymous said...

Yeah people say that I get offended too easily. I guess it's something we all got to work on.

Don said...

Chill, Phil.

Unknown said...

Great post full of personal things that I can relate to. I won't tell you if that's a good thing or bad, you might get offended.

LittleSilkDress said...

Being offended is so easy to do sometimes. But often it really is a choice. This has inspired me to really suck it up and make a different choice a bit more often.

john said...

I am, of course, offended that the link to the coat of arms does not function. Apparently it works for others, so naturally I shall see this as a personal affront...

Living in the United States of Offended as I [we] do, methinks this Dyer person has a real uphill battle. Besides, being offended is big business.

Hope my observations arent offensive. :)

Brian (not the cat) said...

Many people annoy me, but rarely do I feel offended. I just think of how annoying I sometimes must seem to them.

Joanne Olivieri said...

I just love being entertained by you and don't be offended but you should do stand up comedy.

First, Dyer is my guru. His book Wisdom of the Ages is my bible so I guess I'll not be "raptured" tomorrow at 6.

I hate to admit that I do get offended at times but I can't always be perfect. My philosophy is shed expectations. It's tough to do but it cuts down on the offensive.

Have a great weekend.

SUGAR MOON said...

I love your posts and this one was great!

Jules said...

Here in KY we don't get offended, we get ammo. :)
Off to see Dollface.
Jules @ Trying To Get Over The Rainbow

Unknown said...

I tell myself to let go and not read too much into something, especially the negative bit.Then, hurray! - there's no offence to worry about.

TexWisGirl said...

very funny! and oh so sadly true! :)

Katherines Corner said...

Great post. I try to have thick skin, the ego can be our enemy!I always enjoy my visits to your lovely blog.I hope you'll stop by Katherines Corner. The new giveaway is up! xo

tigey said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Cheeseboy said...

Tell your husband that I have made the same mistake before too. Sometimes it is hard to tell with the special needs folks and then I feel like crap.

I've only ever had one offended blog reader that I know of. And I realized that the joke I blogged was offensive. That reader never came back and I felt like garbage. But should I have? I am not sure. I'm kinda annoyed that she made me feel that way after I apologized.

Susan Gourley/Kelley said...

As a teacher, I never let students offend me but when it comes to hearing politicians and others denounce teachers, I do get offended. In the current political climate, I'm wasting lots of time being PO'd.
Summer is almost here. I'll try.

jenny_o said...

Great observations in an easy to swallow pill, Betty!

And bonus kitteh picture too!

faye said...

You have such a knack for putting
things into perspective.....
crest and all !!

Larri said...

My feet are too big to tiptoe on eggshells for those who are easily offended. Excellent post, Betty! Happy Saturday! :o)

Jenny said...

This is perfect. I work really hard at having low expectations and being un-offendable! Really, really excellent writing here.

Baby Sister said...

Lol. This was hilarious and so totally true. And the coat of arms was awesome. Now you can't be offended at me. :)

Cake Betch said...

Now I am definitely not innocent of never getting pissed off or offended at someone (you called it on the car thing, total road rager here) but I have a girlfriend who is offended by EVEEEERYTHING. It gets exhausting sometimes.

Sara said...

I completely agree that being easily offended is weak. It's putting the power to control my emotional being into the hands of a complete stranger! While it may be hard to not to react with pointed fingers in those situations, it really is exerting power over ourselves and taking our own happiness by the reigns!