Saturday, November 20, 2010

Betty has a Doggone Epiphany at the Pizza Parlor



You can imagine my happiness at reading my horoscope yesterday and finally being given permission to "Share more of those wild ideas you generally keep to yourself."

These are the same ideas that my family members universally and vigorously urge me to keep under wraps.

Take my recent conversation with HOB while we were sitting in the local pizza parlor which has large screens set on sport stations. It was one of those halftime shows where four guys in suits sit around a shiny kidney-shaped table and discuss the minutia of sports.

Betty: Don't you think people like watching this kind of sport show because all of those guys resemble very sincere dogs?

HOB: What?

Betty: (Pointing with fork toward screen) That one looks just like a Golden Retriever and that one looks like a German Shepherd. People love earnest looking dogs. I really think that the people watching don't even know why they like watching these kinds of shows, but they are drawn to them because those guys resemble reliable dog breeds.

HOB: What?

Betty: Well, look at them. They certainly don't look like cows, sheep, or pigs. They look like what dogs would look like if they took human form and bought snazzy suits and shiny shoes.

HOB: What?

Betty: People trust them and listen to them because we humans inherently trust and like dogs. Dogs are guileless which lends to their appeal as sports announcers.

HOB: What?

Betty: AND since these guys look like dogs, they have extra credibility because people unconsciously think, "Oh yeah, I'll believe them in these sporty matters because they've been out there running, jumping, catching balls." Don't you see how it all works?

HOB: What?

Betty: AND think about this: every dog show includes a category called "Sporting Dogs." Go to a cat show and you won't find a "Sporting Cat" division. "Sporting Sheep?" "Sporting Cows?" No. ONLY dog shows have that category. Huh? Huh? Am I right? Look! There's a Doberman Pinscher, and Collie, and Great Dane up there right now discussing football!

HOB: What?

Betty: If you think about it, TV stations should match up guys that look like certain breeds to certain sports. It would do wonders for their ratings!

HOB: (Stunned Silence)

Betty: Let's take an obvious one. Who better to report on boxing than a Boxer?

HOB: (More Silence)

Betty: (Eyes wide, speaking quickly) Discussion of car racing competitions should held by Pit Bulls.
Track and Field? Greyhounds.
Basketball? Bass(k)et Hounds.
Baseball? Golden Retrievers.
Rodeos? BULLdogs.
Horse Racing? A Whippet.
British Volleyball? English Setters.

Oh, yes. I really AM on to something here! (Betty sucks down her Diet Pepsi and smiles wildly.)

HOB: (Very concerned look on his face, reaches out for Betty's hand) Honey? Are you even thinking of making this a Betty post? (Shakes head) Please don't. Trust me. Don't do it. Let's just keep this between you and me. OK? Please?


OK, OK, so I did promise him, and I kept that promise until today when I got word via the newspaper that it was time to bestow this idea upon society.

I understand HOB's reluctance to share his genius wife with the world, but as you can see, it was written in the STARS that I unleash my dog/sports announcer theory to you.

And you don't argue with the stars--especially with Sirius, the Dog Star, but that's another post.


Don't tell me you don't see it too....

55 comments:

Oh Sew Good said...

Perhaps your blood sugar was a little low at time time? :) You're hilarious Betty.

Gigi said...

It all makes sense to me!

welcome to my world of poetry said...

Hope you don't mind but this made me laugh. excellent read.

Yvonne.

Mamma has spoken said...

Oh I totally agree with you! And I am SO glad you shared this info with me. Next time sports central is on the tv, I am going to bring up your insight and see what crazy things the sons will come up with on this topic!

Leah J. Utas said...

You're right, of course. And you should always use your horoscope as your daily guide.

Seams Inspired said...

Because I totally grasp the concept, I don't know whether I should be thrilled or scared. :o) Thanks for the Saturday giggle!

PS...I posted some recipes today. One is the Bing Cherry Salad you requested. :o)

Larri at Seams Inspired

Out on the prairie said...

Did you share this horoscope with your husband?I wondered what his perspective would be. I mean let your hair down could be dinner and a night out dancing.Now next time he watches football, he is going to hear yips and barks by the players and announcers and think, she was really right,again.

Madi and Mom said...

LOL BB,
First off we are under the same sign...Mom's b-day is Jan 7!!

ABSOLUTELY we agree with you. Mom is a people watcher and she often sees folks who resemble beings other than humans!! Mom said she'd like to be a fly on the wall when you and HOB are having such
serious conversations.
Happy Saturday,
Hugs Madi and Mom

Mommyfried said...

You finally made a sports commentary interesting to me. From now on I will be thinking hmmm I think this one is a chihuahua or a terrier? If or when I see a poodle there may be a mess to clean up.

Loved this post!

Daisy said...

HA HA HA! I DO see it. I see a German Shepherd, a Golden Retriever, and a Bulldog!!!

Old Kitty said...

I'm with HOB.

What?!?! LOL!!!

Take care
x

Joe Cap said...

HOB is soooo very fortunate to be able to spend his life with
(cough cough) you.

He must thank his lucky stars every day, don't you think?

Brian said...

I think it's true, great observations!!!

Baby Sister said...

I totally see it!! Thanks for pointing it out. :)

Cricket said...

Brilliant. Of course, don't forget the poker tournaments... there's another obvious job for the dogs.

Those half-time shows are all the same. I can usually get my wife to laugh by doing a running commentary with the sound muted:

Well, the Pats have to get out there and move that football down the field. They're going to have to get out and score more points than the Jets. The offense needs to score some touchdowns! Their dee-fense needs to block the Jets off-ense. If they can get out there and score more points than the other guys, I think there's a good chance they'll WIN this game!

Ya think? Say it all really fast and it sounds like you're actually saying something.

Nicole said...

You had me at pizza parlor.

Brian Miller said...

haha...you know i dont mind looking through your eyes at all...

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

He just didn't get it, did he?

Anne Gallagher said...

Oh.My.God. Betty you are totally hysterical. I'm still laughing. I've often thought the same thing so don't feel badly you're alone in this. Tell HOB you're not so far-fetched in your idea.

Lydia Kang said...

You are so hilarious. I like to come and get my Bossy fix over here, it always make me laugh (and snort my tea by accident)
:)

Facing50Blog.com said...

I adore blogs that make me chuckle and yours did that admirably, which is why I have signed up to be part of the Betty fan club and follow you.

ds said...

I'm crying with laughter. You are so funny! And tomorrow, when Mr. L-S is plopped on the sofa absorbing every football game possible, I will be laughing again when the announcers come on. Now, don't you think that the really tall skinny guy looks like an Irish Setter?

You've made my day. Thanks.

Rawknrobyn.blogspot.com said...

You're a genius, Betty. It makes hilariously perfect sense.

Thanks for advising men not to bark on dates. I hope they listen. I'll be watching the screens now to see if that barker became one of those announcers.
xo

Sandra said...

Oh no he didn't! As soon as they tell us not to blog about, it immediately becomes blog worthy! And it was! You're right. I say they should have a split screen: boxer on one side/boxer breed of dog on the other. See, you're on to something!

sherri said...

I was with you every step of the way and that last picture proves how right you are. My horoscope usually just chastizes me and tells me how bad with money I am.

The Chicken's Consigliere said...

You just fly your freak flag and keep smiling, Betty. I love it! And yes, I do see it. My old boss showed me a photo of his new bull dog once, and I just started laughing. He was puzzled. He looked just like a big old puzzled bull dog.

GreatGranny said...

Betty, you're a treasure. Where do you come up with all this stuff as you are so funny. We've seen the picture of dogs playing cards, why not sports.

Ami said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ami said...

It appears that I'm the only commenter so far with a dirty mind... but don't dogs have the uncanny ability to, well, lick themselves?

No wonder the announcers all look so smug and self satisfied.

And no wonder so many men wanna be just like 'em.

PS... I passionately hate Boob Costas.
He reminds me of a yapping terrier, jumping all around your feet and peeing on himself trying to get your attention.

A girl needs 2 Talk said...

You're a laughter riot! HOB is a lucky man!!

Ann said...

That HOB is quite the talker. However did you ever get a word in edgewise? I totally get your whole theory. In fact it even makes sports shows suddenly more interesting to me

Brian (not the cat) said...

At least sports analysts stick to the subject at hand and generally don't seem too egotistical, unlike the talking heads on most news programs who always seem to be implying, "Oh, you are so fortunate to be watching me telling you all this news that we pulled off of the AP wire today. Even though I don't personally know what any of this means, I'm going to look very serious and pretend I do. Don't you just love my new blazer?"

Lin said...

Hmmmmmm. Yeah/no. But if it makes you happy, I guess I can go along with your theory. Pour me another beer....

Noelle said...

Hahahahaha! I will share this with Jason. I am sure he will love it!

Aging Mommy said...

Ummmm.....I am with HOB on this one, he is right to be concerned :-)

Tracy said...

How Hilarious! I wish I could have been a fly on the wall to witness this unique transaction...Are you this fun in person?

baygirl32 said...

He's quite a talker isn't he?

Flartus said...

I don't care what your family says, you are BRILLIANT! I'm sure all the "What?"s you were getting from HOB were his way of saying, "Yes, go on!"

"Bass(k)et Hound" had me giggling! I wonder what my mutt would report on...International Hot Dog Eating Championships?

Marlene said...

oh dear Betty....some days I really do worry about you. :)

Jimmy said...

OK Betty, I hate to admit it but you just may be on to something here, I'm going to check my blood sugar just in case but think I will still agree with you.

Reputation@Stake said...

What?

Reputation@Stake said...

Sorry for my previous comment. It just came out, and then my fingers hit the publish button before I could stop them. (HOB can thank me later.)

But I like your theory. It might almost be too good, and you might put other channels out of business if you started your own channel with a name like, DSPN. Either way, you forced laughter out of me with your British volleyball comment.

Zuzana said...

I have heard before that pet owners usually resemble their pets, but this a whole new take on that theme.;))
xoxo

Tabor said...

It must be quite exhausting to live with someone so brilliant.

Hilary said...

Truly brilliant! And you've certainly umm... marked new territory with this one. ;)

Talli Roland said...

Haha! I love the British Volleyball = English setters! :)

Hope you're having a good weekend!

Susan Fields said...

I'm glad you decided to let your hair down and share more of those wild ideas!

Kittie Howard said...

What fun! You made me laugh! BTW, I've never understood how three men could make so much money talking about nothing. Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours!

Cynthia said...

I haven't been reading the blog lately (yours or anybody's!) but I stopped back today and read several posts. Still wonderful! The one about your mom was very touching and poignant (and familiar), but then there are also so many laugh-out-loud and notice-the-world posts, filled with joy, enthusiasm, and imagination. Congratulations to you on this ongoing labor of love and work of art. And happy Thanksgiving.
Cynthia

Liz said...

I love that HOB is quite concerned about your blog and your reputation as a blogger; you raised him right BB.

Happy Homemaker said...

Betty, you never cease to surprise me! That brain of yours is always churning! Loved your post!

Pat Tillett said...

Your family's request may be a valid one, but then we'd never see amazingly quirky and funny Bettty posts like this one.

One thing though...
The sportcaster in the middle is Marv Albert. You may or may not know this, but he was arrested some years ago for "biting" a prostitute in a New York hotel room. When the police arrived he was not wearing his wig, but he was wearing women's underwear...
I'd say he was a hound dog - poodle mix...

Sara said...

AAAAAAAA, this is awesome! Now, everytime Brian has football on, I won't be able to listen to it without snickering :)

KleinsteMotte said...

BRILLIANT!!! It's clear to me you see some great possibilities.The problem is getting this to market. Seems sales have to be higher and higher. Stars are pricey!

john said...

...but Dobies, Collies and Great Danes aren't Sporting breeds...