Saturday, May 29, 2010

WARNING! DO NOT READ THE FOLLOWING BLOG POST!!!

(A pleasant seascape to further draw you in)


Ah ha! It DOES work!!!

Thank you, my blog readers, for being my test subjects in an important, groundbreaking psychological research study.

You see, I have decided to do what any loving, dedicated mother/wife would do when sick of housework. I have decided to use cheap psychological tricks on my family members to get them to do tedious, mundane chores.


The following is an announcement I plan to post around my house very soon:


Attention Husband and Sons!

Read and follow these instructions carefully!


Rule #1:

From now on, you must never get a new roll of toilet paper (located in the bedroom closet, OR WOW! LOOK AT THAT! within arm’s reach on the back of the toilet) and place it on the roller. This is strictly forbidden. The power that comes along with this act is mine and mine alone. In many cultures the person who replaces the roll of toilet paper is the person who then possesses incredible powers. Leave this to me and I promise I will to use my powers for good.


Rule #2

Sliding out the lint trap in the dryer and cleaning it is a right and a privilege that I alone have. The effect of this procedure is akin to an incredibly pleasant drug high and Mama needs her weekly fix. Those persons choosing to disobey this order may indeed experience a euphoria that lasts for hours or days, but why would you need or want that? This is best left to me. Don’t even attempt this very simple and satisfying task. You couldn’t handle the joy anyway.


Rule #3

Given the choice between loading the dishwasher and riding my own pony while sucking on a lollipop, I would choose loading the dishwasher. In fact, I INSIST that you leave dishes in the sink and on the counter. If you were to, say, open the door of the dishwasher and place a plate between the prongs there, you would quickly grow weary of all other activities you currently think of as “fun.” It would ruin you. Leave it to me and only me. That hysterical laughter you hear that you often mistake for angry screaming as I place glasses in the upper portion of the dishwasher is a mere foreshadowing of the sheer ecstasy I will feel when it is time to load the silverware. Don’t do it. Don’t even ask.


So readers! What do you think?

Do you believe these psychological maneuvers work?

Do you think I can use shoddy, somewhat contemptible methods to get people to do what I want?

I shall let you know how it goes when you come back to my blog.

And I KNOW you’ll come back to my blog because only the BEST people come to my blog!

Yes, it's true!

Only the most good-looking, smartest, most stylish, sophisticated, urbane and intelligent people read Betty's Blog!

(Say, have you lost weight? Your teeth look so pearly white today!)

See you soon!


68 comments:

slommler said...

Why yes, I have lost weight. Thank you for noticing. As for your list of reverse psychology...I don't hold out much hope for it. They may say, "Well you told me not to do it!" Which would further send you into a tail-spin.
I say, go on strike. Full blown...don't do a thing. No cooking, cleaning or laundry...their's only! Until they start doing their fair share. That ought to do it!!
Good luck
Hugs
SueAnn

Ann said...

I thought the toilet paper thing was a rare phenomenon that only occurred in my house. I was actually considering doing a post about an ongoing experiment I have with that issue. I hope your notes work, and thank you for the compliments. I haven't lost weight, it must be the stylish outfit I'm wearing that makes me appear slimmer.
As for slommers suggestion of going on strike, I tried it once. It only made for a bigger job for me because no one cared how bad things got.

June said...

Ah, yes. It is a universal phenomenon, then. Recently, I observed history being made in this household. Husband replaced the toilet paper AND emptied two wastebaskets. Once or twice in the last year he's even emptied the dishwasher. If I leave the d/w door wide open, he manages to put his dirty coffee cup in there...
Stay strong, Women of the World. The Revolution may be at hand.

Anything Fits A Naked Man said...

Why, yes Betty, I HAVE lost weight! Tons and tons of it! Thanks for noticing!

OMG, this is just BRILLIANT!! I think you may be onto something HUGE here! You could write a book, start a movement, give seminars where you wear one of those head-microphone thingies! Eureka!!!

Gigi said...

Absolutely LOVE it! Let me know if it works cause I need some help around here too.

Mad Woman said...

Oh I'm so glad you mentioned my weight loss...I was beginning to worry it didn't show.

I like your ideas but I'm a little worried they won't work on your husband and sons. Men seem to be somewhat immune to this reverse psychology gig. Good luck!

Gigi said...

Brilliant! Love it! Heck, I'd try anything. What I love around my house are the situations where my husband actually gets CLOSE to doing what he's supposed to but falls short. he'll get a new roll of toilet paper, but set it on TOP of the roller and not attach it TO the roller. or he will put his clothes on the floor NEXT TO the laundry basket but not IN it.

Let me know how this works out :)

Piedmont Writer said...

This is funny. I guess I needed a second cup of caffeine to "get it". Let me know how it goes with the dishwasher. Are you going to have a diagram to point to where certain things go? That's my biggest peeve.

Love the beach picture. Thanks for that.

Anonymous said...

My biggest pet peeve. No one ever puts things back where they belong. They know where to get it but....no putting it back. Do you have any words for that? Love this post.

Linda said...

So sorry...I hit the wrong key....comment before is from Linda Not anonymous.

Sam said...

LOL! Love this -- too funny!

Old Kitty said...

Bossy Betty! I will always visit your blog cos I like it and it's a great blog to read!
:-)

I look forward to the results of your psychological experimentation on your sons and husband however.

I hope they work for their sakes! LOL!

Take care and thank you for noticing how absolutley gorgeous I am! ;-)

xx

Aging Mommy said...

Betty I always love visiting your blog because you share with us wonderful photos and poems AND you write some amazingly good posts too, some sad, some thought provoking and some just downright funny like this one, all done in your own unique style. You never disappoint!

The toilet roll changing this just drives me crazy too!!!

fiftyodd said...

Yep! You got me. Just had to peep at this post! Good fun too!

Writing Without Periods! said...

Love the your style. I'm going to tell husband he must not buy me any jewelry. Haha.
Mary

sherri said...

the toilet paper roll and the leaving dishes in the sink (RIGHT NEXT TO THE DISHWASHER) always blow my mind. But even more so, the fact that this is a universal male behavior is truly baffling.

unrelated - I think I've said this before - but I really adore your header image.

Daisy said...

AHA HA HA HA HA! Well, I'm sold. Let me know how that goes for you. If it works for you, maybe it will work for me too. :D

Thank you for visiting my blog today. Nice to meet you!

Mr. Stupid said...

I am sure these would work. At least Rule #1 should work perfectly. I am confident!
Hilarious post. Smiles:)

Joe Cap said...

Don't forget to FORBID them from putting the toilet seat down!

Pat Tillett said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Pat Tillett said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Pat Tillett said...

Okay...
Toilet paper:
The only way to solve the TP problem is to always take your own TP into the bathroom with you (from your private stash). If they use the last of the roll, the little empty cardboard core will still be there waiting for them next time. They will learn or they will smell...

The Lint Trap:
I feel your pain, but if they are indeed not cleaning it out. At least they are doing their own laundry! So really, you've already won this one....

The Dishwasher:
I know it's a disfunction, but I like to do dishes. If I cook, I do them. If my wife cooks, I still do them. I hate the way anybody else does it. Sick, isn't it?

My work here is done...

Ms. Anthropy said...

I don't have problems with 1 and 3, with just the two of us. The only reason my husband would get near the dryer is to take something out. Doesn't have a clue how to use it, or the washing machine, but in his defense, now that we have a lint trap in the front, he would clean it. (heaven help me if I tried to explain how to use either) Good luck!

Ashley King said...

oh my! i'm laughing SOOO hard!!!
my hubby will run the dryer 3 times and say "it's not drying!!" i'll walk over and say, "WELL, if you cleaned off the lint trap, it WOULD be dry... it would have dried the first time!!!" but that's only happened once, and it was last saturday (the day after i had my wisdom teeth pulled) hee hee....

hubby does the dishes. he says i waste too much water. we HAVE a dishwasher, but don't use it. he says we need to use forks before we have a full load.... sooo, he handwashes the dishes.....

i hope your rules work!!! let me know!!! =)

DrSoosie said...

Gosh Betty I am convinced it is something programmed into the DNA of men...the toilet papaer, lint and dishwasher thing. I am thinking maybe they lack certain muscles and bones which allow them to twist and reach the toilet paper and bend down to open and place dishes in the the dishwasher. The whole thing eludes me. I like your plan...reverse psychology...however I am not sure it will work when certain essential components are missing from the start!!

Noelle said...

Dear Miss Bossy Betty,

Would you be so kind as to let me know if it works??? I'm going to hang signs like that in my office at work if it does!

And might I add that I love the clothes pin picture on your blog...I really do!!!

Beth said...

I'd be amazed if mine figured out how to open the dryer door ... never mind clean the lint trap! Let us know how the experiment goes BB but I'm not too hopeful!

Venassa said...

Too funny. Let me know if it works. If so, I may have to use your methods on my boyfriend.

Feeling Just Right said...

Ohh yes Betty! I have lost weight! I will return so can see that i've lost some more!

Paste it, i tell you. It is going to work. Make sure you post about what you do in your free time then!

Annah said...

I don't know... I think bribery works best. lol

The Empress said...

Must.load.betty's.dishwasher.now.

Lint.cleaning.next.

Cheeseboy said...

I don't know... this kinda made me want to move into your house.

Crystal Cook said...

ROTFL!! Betty I luv ya :)

Pat said...

Why no, I haven't lost weight. I just took my bra off, so my puppies are sitting on my lap. That's why I look thinner. But thanks for asking.

If that toilet paper trick works, please let me know. I've been trying to get my husband to put a new roll on for 26 years and he's yet to do it. I go over the instructions several times, but to no avail. I'll be waiting with bated breath.

Jill said...

Thought your blog was funny, Bossy. Please add me as a follower to your blog, and go to mind page and add yourself. jill

baygirl32 said...

I hope the sign works... I've have one by the hamper for aproximately 3 years stating "DO NOT PUT YOUR SOCKS IN HERE", wait maybe is does work because the damn socks still land on the floor.

Brittney said...

lol thats great let me know if it works i may add some signs of my own around this house

Parsley said...

HAHA Love this post. Uh...I'm afraid to say it but we have similar senses of humor.

So...if only the most good looking, smartest, etc. people read your blog what does that say for a new follower?! I'm just AWESOME...AND... I too have the power of the toliet paper roll!

RawknRobynsGoneBlogWild said...

I must say, I'm skeptical. I figure your family must be at least somewhat bright, since you are. I can't imagine they'd fall for it. I really am inclined, though, to come over and change the toilet paper rolls, clear the lint out, and fill your dishwasher. Would you let me, please? It sounds simply orgasmic.
xoRobyn

Mrs. Lovely said...

You're so smart! Good plan. :)

ASBLACKASOBAMA said...

You got me.... I'm back.... lol And I totally want to clean out your lint trap now!

ethelmaepotter! said...

No, I've GAINED weight, but thanks for being sweet!

I hope the reverse psychology thing works for you...it failed miserably for me. I can report, however, that after I left the toilet paper roller empty for more than a week, (using Pat's suggestion) hubby DID learn how to put the roll on. He even figured out how to put it on the CORRECT way! All by himself, just like a big boy!

I'm working on getting him to put trash in the trash can. He stands at the kitchen counter, opening a new pack of cigarettes. Off comes the skinny little staticky cellophane tape, then the cellophane top of the pack. Both go on the kitchen counter. Then two pieces of the box itself. Onto the counter. Then three little triangles of foil. Yep, the counter. The he empties out of his pockets at least two napkins, all his change and guitar picks, usually a bread tie and/or Ziploc baggie, and several fingers full of lint. He filters out his change and guitar picks, then leaves the rest for me to put in the trash. Sometimes I just stand there, tapping my fingers on the counter, eyebrows lowered, while he accomplishes this task...usually on my just cleaned counter. He never catches on. Even when I brought the trash can out and set it RIGHT BESIDE THE COUNTER, he still ignored it and went on about his usual ritual.

Would anybody like a good used man? I could let him go real cheap.

I'll even throw in an entire box of Ziploc baggies and a 48 roll package of Charmin Ultra.

Ca88andra said...

Let us know if it works! And if it does I will have to do the same.

Brian Miller said...

sorry i have to go wash dishes and put new rolls of toilet paper in....have a wonderful weekend!

This Is My Blog - fishing guy said...

BB: Sorry; that type of psychology doesn't work on men. They will think you really mean it.

Madi and Mom said...

Good luck with this one Betty...
my dishwasher as a 'clean' light when the dishes are clean; however, my husband still has to be told 'they are clean' as he opens the dishwasher to put a used dish in it...on the bright side at least he makes the effort to put the dirty dish in the washer?!! Recently I say a magnetic sign for the dishwasher that read 'clean' on one end 'dirty' on the other...I almost bought it
Madi and Mom

Copyboy said...

Definitely NOT going to let my wife read this post. Even though I loved it. Haha.

Mellisa Rock said...

Good Luck with that! Let me know if it works out for ya! :) I laughed out loud at the first one - I mean how hard is it to get a new roll!! Have a great weekend!

Kitty Moore said...

Wonderful tactic - oh and thanks for the compliments. I'll be back for more!

Joann Mannix said...

Hey Betty,

sorry I've been away, but I'm back and I have missed you! As I'm reading this, I'm thinking, they actually put clothes in the dryer!

I'm going to try this, because in my house, there seems to be a lot of people who think a magic fairy goes behind them, doing all their grunt work.

I hope it works.

Mike said...

On guys, I don't know. I would be like this is a get out of jail free card and it would never be done again. But hey I'm weird that way.

The Retired One said...

Finally got around to joining your blog as a Follower! Sorry I was such a slacker. ha When Patrick handed out the photo awards and you were on the list with me, it reminded me!!!
This blogpost was cute, loved it!

Jerry said...

You're physcologicaling all over the place. And I feel this incredible pull to come back....after I put the toiler paper on the roller.

You are a joy!

faye said...

Great post. If only this would work
on the man in this house.

Thanks for commenting on my blog...
my goodness you have tons of followers and I don't see how you have time with all you do...
Kudos to you.!!

faye

Jingle said...

U R certainly creative...
In my household, I do everything,
my boys and hubby are spoiled...

Hilary said...

I'm intrigued with Rule #2. I'd like to know what psychology you used to get them to do the laundry in the first place. I'm impressed!

Kazzy said...

I might have to try those same rules around here. The TP roll right on the counter, which is mere inches from the roller... And the socks and underwear right beside the hamper. Yeah, I love that one.

Jimmy said...

Ok you just have to be careful here because if any of them think like our youngest who would make a copy and throw it up in our face saying "The rules say I don't have to"

Seriously excellent post that may very well work, and another thing:

"only the BEST people come to my blog!

Yes, it's true!

Only the most good-looking, smartest, most stylish, sophisticated, urbane and intelligent people read Betty's Blog!"

I Love your blog too can I come along with all the cool people? :)

Shan said...

I think the first two might work, but that last one... well, you may have gone too far.

Can't wait to see how you fare. I *have* to come back since you're the only one who's asked if I've lost weight lately.

H.Toufga said...

Omg! Loved your post :) , It's been so long since I read something very nice.

Much Love

Powdered Toast Man said...

For some odd reason I want to go load the dishwasher.

I love putting new toilet paper rolls on the dispenser when nobody else does. I look forward to it.

I hope your plan works.

Marlene said...

Oh, to think I ALMOST missed this post with my busy weekend here. Sheesh - so glad I backtracked. I want to be considered in your group of "Good-looking, smartest, most stylish, sophisticated, urbane and intelligent people"! :)

Oh - and I so need to borrow these notes for my own 19 year old. I don't know if she even KNOWS HOW to replace the toilet paper roll. I'm sending her out into the world without that bit of knowledge. Shameful, isn't it?

Nishant said...

Absolutely LOVE it
Adsense Alternative

Medeia Sharif said...

Thanks for the laugh, and for noticing my brilliant white teeth.

Holly Renee said...

Brilliant! I hope it works. Now I know what may work for the Husby. Good call!

A Tale of Two Cities said...

Dying to know if this works. It's sure innovative--and hilarious to top it off!

Very clever, my friend....
Debi

Mary said...

I don't think psychology works on men. They have some sort of built in block for it. They would read these and say, "OK.." It is perfectly acceptable in that case to throw something at them.

Jessica said...

When my husband and son learn what toilet paper (girls sit, boys stand), a lint trap, and a dishwasher are I am SO using these tricks!