Saturday, February 6, 2010

The Ice Queen Speaketh

Betty is an ice snob.

It's true.

Ice is an essential element in all of my hydration rituals. Just ask HOB who, 28 years ago, went into a 7-11 and came back with a can of Diet Pepsi.

That's right--just a can.

No ice in a cup.

Oh. Oh.

He didn't make that mistake again.

So profound is my ice snobbery that I have been known to refuse liquids if the shape and/or pebbling is off just a bit.

Also, it must taste tasteless. This is very important.

What is the epitome of perfect ice? Well, for those of you who live near a Sonic (I do not) you know that they have the PERFECT ice. Clear, pebbled, tasteless. (My sister lives near a Sonic. I have asked her to mail me some ice, but she keeps sending me water instead! What's the deal?)

Let us discuss those half moons that come out of most people's ice makers. Oh dear. Always a lady, Betty handles herself well in social situations in which drinks with these wedges of refrigerator odor are presented to her. A tight smile, a nod of the head, and a knowing look at HOB all add up to a signal to call it an early evening.

Ice cube trays with tap water? Let's be serious. Betty's Taste Buds rise up in disapproval.

This extra sensitivity has placed an extra burden upon Betty. For years I have had to lug frozen ice home from the store. Since I like to do everything BIG, this meant buying giant bags from giant stores. I had to get a deep freeze for the garage. Alas, there were some incidents of HORROR--going to the deep freeze and discovering we were out of ice.

Finally, Betty went out and got herself an ice maker. It was a risky move, knowing my sensibilities, but so far it is working out. I make about four bags every weekend. I am not crazy about the shape of the ice, nor the color (I prefer crystal clear) but I have discovered that by slamming a bag full of the ice down on the garage floor about four times can almost replicate the texture of Sonic ice.

I'll still buy bagged ice from time to time, but my ice maker allows me to reconnect with my pioneer ancestors who did not rely on stores or corporations. No, they got in there and went to work to tame this land and produce the necessities for their family and community.

When I hear the motor humming away, it's like the prairie wind in my ears.

When those ice modules drop from the metal plugs, it's the wheels of the Prairie Schooner on the hard-packed sod.

When I get a bag of ice out of the deep freeze, hold the Ziplock Freezer Bag with Double Zipper Technology above my head and slam it to the ground, I know my sweat and toil merely serve to bond me with my female ancestors who probably held just a whole lot of things above their heads to smash to the ground.

It feels good to be so grounded in solid, hard work.

My ice maker.
It only has ice for me.


Anything Fits A Naked Man said...

What a delightful writer you are! I'm so glad I found you! Ironically, I am Betty's polar opposite! I always order "Diet Coke, no ice!" I hate how you otherwise get a glass of ice and 2 tablespoons of soda!

But your icemaker is BEAUTIFUL, I must say!! Thanks for the laugh!!

Unknown said...

Who would have thought you could connect to those who tamed this great land with ice! LOL! Some say too much -- I say -- gotta have my Bossy Betty for the day! :)

I am thinking about tomorrow for the feature -- would you like to do something new or may I pick one of your jewels to post?

Lazy Pineapple said...

I would name you 'iceomaniac' or 'Ice queen' but the latter would be too bitchy , right?

Great post :) Never knew anyone who was so picky about Ice hahah

Brian said...

I like tubular ice, which seems to be becoming less common these days. It kind of whistles while you slurp.

Bossy Betty said...

Kids! Do not try Brian's method of ice enjoyment. Choking Hazard! Choking Hazard!

BNM said...

i am new to your blog. I read a post from "getting all my ducks in a row" and your post was amazing! Im hooked! I am a new follower!! :)

LittleSilkDress said...

Sonic ice is the best!

Anonymous said...

This is hilarious! I'm a new follower sent over from Getting All My Ducks in a Row. I'm not picky about my ice, but I do understand. I will never eat anything that has been put in a plastic bag. It doesn't matter what the food started as, once it's been contaminated by a plastic bag, all I can then taste is plastic.

Shan said...

Sing it sister!!! I remember loving those oddly crescent-shaped pieces of frozen refrigerator detritis... until I was about eight. Now they just gross me out. And it doesn't matter how new the fridge... it's the crap water that goes into it. So I'm intrigued by this water freezing gizmo you have. Makes me say, "Hmm..."

Wisconsin Parent said...

Oooo...(shhh) I love the hospital for the little cat-food pebble size ice chips. My favorite!