Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Clubbin' With Betty

Betty's no wimp when she gets sick.

She does not believe in coddling oneself.

Get up, get out there, and do the work you are supposed to do. She does not even believe in taking medicine for the common cold.

However, she DOES believe in the restorative power of sleep and since the coughing, wheezing, sneezing and incredible mucous build-up was preventing me from getting my beauty rest the night before last, I scrounged around in the medicine cabinet for something to shove down my windpipe which would hopefully open up my sinuses.

I had my choice of one antihistamine (originally purchased for the dog) which expired in 2007 and one that expired in 2008. Hummm.... Then I found a bottle of NyQuil with just enough for one dose. I did not tempt fate and look at the expiration date. I swallowed it down and crumpled into bed for a great night's sleep.

Apparently my ultra-pure system is one that soaks in liquid medicines and holds them there, in reserves, in small pockets that leak out throughout the day. I awoke in a haze and forced myself through my morning routine. I drank lot of tea to try and break through the cocoon that surrounded me, but when I went to the kitchen and dropped my favorite tea pot, I watched it shatter all over the floor, all the while thinking "Oh, Wow. Now that's a mess." I stood just sort of looking at the glass strewn all over the floor for about five minutes; then my eyes drifted upward and I started gazing at the window. This led me to think about the properties of glass in general. I was thoroughly entertained for about fifteen minutes.

Attempting to apply my make-up was a fun activity, especially since I use the lip paint that stays on for eight full hours. One slip, and it's clownsville for the rest of the day. To say the least, it was not on straight at all. At that point I also noticed a really, really, red rash coming up from my chest and creeping onto my face. Oh dear.

A lesser person would have stayed home, but after my third Diet Pepsi, I felt with it enough to go to campus to teach my one class. I got out of my car and thought how blissfully quiet the campus was. I got to my office wing and enjoyed the silence that enveloped the whole building. It was only when someone came by and moved his mouth in my general direction that I realized that my ears were apparently clogged up, resulting in my leaning aggressively forward and fastening my eyes on the lips of anyone who attempted to speak to me.

I taught my class. (Teaching is pretty darn fun when you can't hear your students and through the cottony clouds surrounding my ear drums, I sounded very intelligent as well!) I then proceeded to Ross to replace my beloved tea pot. I was very tired, nearly deaf, and discouraged when I could not find a replacement. I caught a glimpse of myself in one of the mirrors and noticed that the rash was now forming shapes often found on maps of incoming hurricanes. It was striving to reach upwards and join with the still bright, still crooked lipstick.

I found a tray and considered how I could use it as a pseudo-hospital tray at my bedside while I recuperated. I proceeded to the check out where leaned my head forward, squinted in the check-out lady's direction to catch what she was saying. Through the haze, I heard her loud cheery voice informing me that she had given me my "Tuesday Club" discount.

Cool! A club! I'm part of a club! I started to perk up a little.

As I left the store I saw the sign: "The Tuesday Club: 55 or or Older. 10 Percent Discount."

I had just been given my first Senior Citizen discount.


No more NyQuil for this girl and I must remember to write to Ross, praising them for hiring the sight-impaired.

Tomorrow is another day.


Wisconsin Parent said...

Ha ha ha ha ha! (sorry, laughing with you as well as at you). Here, I thought it was a night club. I remember my mom getting her first senior coffee at Mc Donalds. My dad (three years older) was next to her and had to pay full price. Boy, was she miffed! I want the senior discount right now. Ask for it all the time (unfruitful though it may be).

Anjanette said...

Thanks for the laugh-out-loud this morning. I needed it!

Anonymous said...

there's always dayquil!

Unknown said...

Hilarious! Hope you're all better.

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