Saturday, October 17, 2009

"At My Back I Always Hear, Time's Winged Chariot Hurrying Near..."

Believe it or not, I have been in homes where all the clocks read the same time. How do people live like that?

Over the years I have worked out a complicated and sensitive time programming technique that incorporates the intricate mechanics of clocks with the even more intricate and sensitive psychological mechanics of humans. Here's how it works:

This is our kitchen clock. It is the one that's always there. It's the one that gets the most eyeball views. Once it was down for about a week and we were all close to wearing neck braces at the end of said week because we were constantly snapping our heads up to look for it. It is set six and half minutes early. Since the walk to the bus stop for the high schoolers is about five minutes, this allows them to leave "late" and still have about a minute to spare. That six minute difference is a life saver when it comes to leaving for work, getting dinner ready, or getting well-meaning but boring guests out the door just a tad bit early.

This the the clock at my treadmill desk. I took this picture today so the astute reader will note that the day and date is incorrect. It appears to be August 11th. The time is two minutes slow. Since my goal on the treadmill is to keep walking, this day/date/time thing can be used as a motivational tool. I use the two minute time delay to make me hurry just a little, while for days when an particularly sluggish, the day and month thing really get me going. "I'm so late! I'm so behind! I must walk faster!"

This is the clock at my bathroom sink. It is only 2 minutes fast. When beautifying in the morning, I need to have some grip in time, but that two minute cushion is important in deciding whether or not to use eyeliner. Once again, the astute reader will notice that something is a little off. According to this clock, it is currently 112 degrees outside. (It is not, by the way.) I make no attempt to correct this, instead I let this fantasy weather help me decide against eyeliner since it would simply melt down onto my cheeks and when not be attractive when collapsing from heat prostration.

This is my favorite one. It is the clock in my old car. It is a full ten minutes fast. You wouldn't believe how many times I've been driving, smug in the fact that I have a whole extra ten minutes than what it says in the clock. It's like having extra food and drink at a party when extra guests show up. "No problem!" I would set my clock in my new car the same way except it's all mixed up with the radio/GPS/bluetooth and I have no idea how to set it. Let's face it, it's a little intimidating and just a tad bit bullying too. My new car and I have a few issues to work out....

This is the clock beside our bed. Yes, I do believe it is circa 1970. Let's play some Neil Diamond cassette tapes and have some fondue. It is set eight minutes fast--just the right amount of time to wake up a little late, but then realize it's not really that late, but still the red lighting is dramatic enough to get us up and out for the day.

While writing this at 9:34 AM, (according to my computer,) I must note that Blogger states it is 4:29 PM and my AOL mail that I just received came in at 3:05 PM today. Hummmm.....could it be that the professionals that these organizations have taken up Betty's philosophy of time/clock management?


Miriam in KS said...

When I was a mother of young children, I visited my own mother and found two clocks that were an hour different from each other.

"Mom, do you want me to reset the clock in the kitchen for you? It's an hour fast."

"Oh, no thank you dear. That clock is on April time. The clock here in the living room is on October time. It's really fine just the way it is."

Since mom was living alone by that time, she decided not to risk climbing when no one was there to readjust the clock over the kitchen sink. That way she wouldn't risk falling while she was home alone. Pretty good reasoning I think. But what a way to describe the clock descrepancy!

Her other funny clock story was her car clock. It would gain time. It got to where we were never quite sure of how fast the clock was at any given moment. So henceforth, it became known as Buick time.

She would have approved of your clock/time philosophy!

Bossy Betty said...

My Mom has a talking watch and says AM when it's PM, but she just leaves it alone and tells us if she can't figure that out then she is bad off.

Love the clock in the car story! How exciting!