Saturday, February 14, 2009

Bossy Betty Bellies Up To The Bar

Can You Hear Me Now?

Once again, I wrapped up the Baby and entered the glass doors of the Apple Store, having procured my appointment at the Genius Bar the day before. This Apple store is in the same mall that Fancy and I frequented just one week earlier and I couldn't help but wistfully think of our Day of Beauty and how much fun it had been.  

I noticed the The Genius Bar, located in the back of the store was not nearly as pretty or nice as the Lancome Beauty Bar had been, but said nothing as I unloaded the Baby and opened it up.  The Girl Genius who had been assigned to my case looked at my old model Apple Baby, its case scratched, its neck askew, its white surface permanently stained, and reacted a bit as though I had just placed a dead house cat upon the counter.  She reluctantly made room for the battered carcass among the sleek, powerful cougars already purring away smugly on the counter.

(I knew the cosmetic ladies would have never behaved this way!  They would have immediately offered help, hurriedly unscrewing jars and applying expensive but soothing balms, assuring me that, with just the right foundation and constant care and maintenance, all would be well.)  

Genius Girl took no time to deliver the death sentence:  It was either my hard drive, or a glitch in the operating system.  It was bad and if she sent it out it was going to be at least $800.00, and the computer was not even worth that.  She dropped this bomb upon me like it was her shopping list and then turned to the Genius next to her and started talking some shipping problem she was having. It was like one of those bad doctor drama moments in which the professional has lost all humanity and, though brilliant, has no bedside manner.  This would never have happened at the Clinique counter where even a simple age spot is treated with astounding depth of understanding and compassion.

I managed to get the Genius Girl's attention again and once again mentioned that the computer had been working fine until I had installed the updates.  She shook her head and used a bunch of computer lingo designed to teach me a little lesson about WHO the genius here was.  

Then, I told her about the badger sound. There was a lot of noise at the Genius Bar and impossible to hear the sound coming from within the computer, so I leaned over the counter and did a loud, stunning rendition of the badgers-with-ratchets sound.  

At this point, the Genius moved her stool back about a foot.  There are two possibilities for this: 

1) she wanted to enhance the acoustics and get the full effect of the sound.

2) since to make the sound properly, one must throw the head back, open the mouth completely, bare the teeth and open the larynx to make the high-pitched  sound, her shrinking back may have been an involuntary reflex stemming from our shared evolutionary roots in which she recognized the facial expression and sound as that of a distressed female baboon defending the life of her child.

In any case, to help her out, I continued making the sound for about two minutes as she sent her fingers flying over keys.  She finally held up a shaky hand to let me know I could stop.   She had found the problem:  my preference files had been corrupted.  She had deleted them, reinstalled them and now everything was fine. I could take the Baby home.  Girl Genius even helped me pack up the Baby and made sure my departure was a speedy one.  

As I left the store, holding my newly-restored computer there was a certain spring in my step.  My spirit was radiant and renewed, uplifted and firm.  There were no free samples at the Apple Bar like there had been at the cosmetics counters (note to Apple: think about it!) but still, there was much to be happy about: no $800.00 bill, no need for a new computer.  

The sun was breaking through the clouds as we stepped out of the mall, me and Baby,  just a couple of happy geniuses, ready for the weekend.


Susan said...

wow, I want a rendition of that sound on you Tube-- do you think you could film it and share, Betty? Congratulations on saving the Baby!

Bossy Betty said...

Oh yes, I think it would be a useful tool on Youtube!