Sunday, February 8, 2009

The Answer: At Last!

Dear Rejuvenique,

Thank you so much for sending me my Facial Toning Mask.  I am finding it very useful for exercising my face with electrical impulses sent from its gold-plated cushions in the patented facial mask from the tiny nine-volt battery in the control unit.  (This thing is super scientific!  Wow!  You guys really knocked yourselves out on this!  Good job!)

Because I am very busy, and enjoy multi-tasking in general, I took the opportunity of wearing my Rejuvenique mask to work last week and discovered another benefit of your product. Walking through the halls of our corporation, I found I did not have to expend energy on unnecessary looks of recognition on people who I really don't recognize and don't even particularly care about.  

In a meeting later on in the day, I found freedom from having to correspond my facial look to the subject being discussed.  Cut in funding for something I really do not care about?  Before,  I had to strain my facial muscles in order to make sure I expressed what others would regard as sadness and regret, but with my mask on, I could actually smile smugly and no one knew!  

But wait!  There's more!  When I was bored, I no longer had pretend not to be!  When my co-worker Marsha (BOO!  HISS!)  got up to spout off about some goody-two-shoes project she is working on, I could make the "I'm about to vomit" look I have controlled for years!  It felt so GOOD!

When that idiot John came in to see if I had finished up the work I had promised him last week, (the paperwork is actually somewhere in my apartment.  I am pretty sure I used some of it to write my grocery list on last week) I did not have to have my call up my fake "oh, yes, we really are doing everything we can to get that done" look.  I just nodded repeatedly and let my mask do the talking.  He left thinking I was calm and actually had everything under control!

I feel you are missing out on a real marketing opportunity here.  Let's face it, (pun intended!) we are all sick and tired of 1) realizing that someone is waiting for an appropriate facial expression 2) dressing our face in that facial expression from our worn out facial expression wardrobe and 3) having to judge whether we have underdressed or overdressed and 4) changing it if necessary.  It's such a hassle!

Your mask solves all those problems!  Feel free to use this angle in your ads.

Now, my question to you:  Is this mask is safe to use in bed?  I need your answer soon--VERY SOON, if you get my drift.  (We have a strong night light in the hall which illuminates the bedroom just a tad too much if you ask me.) Hubby is beginning to question the validity and safety of wearing my mask even at night, especially during what he dubs our "romantic interludes." So give this girl a little back-up, would you?  Isn't it medically necessary?  Could you put that in writing?  It would save me so much time and effort! Pretty please?

Thanks ever so much!  

P.S.  When do I start looking like the ladies in the infomercial? 


Trisha Dawn said...

Oh my. What did you do before your blog?

Susan said...

That is the creepiest looking mask!

Bossy Betty said...


By day I trained to be a trapeze artist and by night I dug sewer lines.


Bossy Betty said...


I like it! I think it says everything without saying anything.

Trisha Dawn said...

Just trying to figure out what you did with all your overflowing creative juices.

Bossy Betty said...

Oh, they were overflowing alright! It was getting very messy!