Wednesday, January 14, 2009

One of the Many Products That Frightens, Yet Also Intrigues, Betty







Let me say right away that I have no problem with sleeping. I do it a lot and I am very good at it. I come from a long line of champion sleepers. You want to see me nap right now? Fine. Watch me. I can do it.

[Please wait here for 30 minutes or so.]

OK. I'm back and I feel great.  I also eschew pills of any kind.  (Well, I eschew them, but never swallow them!  OK, back to business.)

So it bothers me that when I watch the Lunesta Moth float into people's homes on the advertisements that I, a person with absolutely no problems with sleep, think "Oh, man, I would love to have me some of that stuff." Why do I want to swallow a pill and invite a glowing moth into my home?

Oh, because that moth is good.

1. The neighborhoods it visits on TV are upscale, nicely maintained. HOB and I have no Lunesta Moth flying above us and our lawns are not well-manicured and our home needs repairs. Coincidence? Perhaps. Perhaps not. There is nothing on the Lunesta website about this but I am still reading the fine print.


2. The people the moth visits have angelic, serene expressions as they sleep. No mashed-in faces, hairdo alerts, drool escaping upon the pillows, no arms askew. If someone comes into my house while I am sleeping and finds me, this is the way I want to look. Actually, these Lunesta users look so good they could be models for what embalmers/ cosmeticians-to-the-dead should shoot for.

3. Upon arising the people in the TV ads are practically ecstatic and they take off for their days and are joyous and energetic throughout!  I want some of that!

4. All the people in the ads have really nice bedding too: 500-600 thread count minimum.

You may notice the women all still have their make-up on as well. I guess that warning that the moth is “fast-acting” is true—no time to wash the face before bed. They should throw in a couple of shots of people with heads flopped in the sink, the toothbrushes sticking out of the mouths to dramatize this fact—just a little hint of truth in advertising.

A note: the woman in the last ad looks suspiciously like Mama Judd (of the mother-daughter Judd singing duo) in her younger days. Perhaps this was her “Mama’s Little Helper” that got her through all those days and nights on the road with that attention-seeking Wynonna. Perhaps we should re-visit the basis of Wynonna's weight problems which she is now turning into gold by hawking the diet pill, Alli.  Perhaps Mama slept through much of the trauma of Wynonna’s “growing” years, and yet all the sleep made her beautiful, so in the end, the trade-off might have been worth it.

Large ads on the back of Time urge us to “Take the Seven-Day Challenge.” OH, even though I am not a candidate for a visit from the moth, now that it has been framed in the form of a challenge, can I really back down from it without seeming like a wimp?  

Oh, Glowing Moth, you both frighten and intrigue me.  As you are drawn to the flame, I am drawn to you. Does that mean I am also drawn to a flame?  Is it an Old Flame?  Should I tell HOB about it?  Should I get my fire-retardant negligee out of the mothballs?  

I grow weary!  I think I'd better sleep on it immediately.  You wait here.  I'll be back in eight hours.
 






4 comments:

Susan said...

Great one! I just want to shake that Wynonna and tell her that just because the FDA approves a drug, that does not mean it is safe! What is she thinking? And who is coloring her hair lately? It is a little too fiery red if you ask me -- maybe it is the Alli?

Bossy Betty said...

OH, Yes. I agree that the girl may be losing it. I think the mother should visit her and then everything will be OK! Yes, it will be! Weight loss through sleep! What a concept!

Cynthia said...

I don't know how you come up with this stuff, but you are BRILLIANT. (And happy belated birthday.)

Bossy Betty said...

Thanks! See what you unleashed????