Friday, December 19, 2008

Bossy Betty Says "Stop the Badness!"

Betty's a With-It Gal. She gets the whole idea of re-gifting. I'm all for being frugal, for ditching the excess material goods that are not exactly our style. I can dig it; I recycle. It should be noted, however, that because of my extreme inclination to honesty, I think the recipient should be notified of the re-gifting action. This can be done in a dignified and respectful way, and I recommend augmenting the re-gift with with a small accompanying purchased-by-you gift . "This basket of potato-based make-up from Idaho is not exactly in my hue, but I think it would look lovely on you. Please note the catsup-colored lipstick I have included that was not originally part of the cellophane-wrapped basket."

However, there are some instances in which it is up to YOU to stop the chain of re-gifting. It may be tempting to pass on the Basket-o'-Sausages o'-the-World you are appalled to get from your neighbor. You have SEEN this sucker on her kitchen counter through your binoculars for a solid year. Quickly, you pass it on to that snarling Administrative Assistant at the office. She will take it and, with tight lips and a forced smile and thank you for it, secretly thinking, "This is hideous. and perfect for that fat uncle of mine who I can't stand. Perhaps all this saturated fat will make him die even sooner than scheduled." Her fat uncle receives it with a hearty laugh and a smile but thinks, "My God, who eats this stuff?" and passes it to his neighbor who dresses her dog in sweaters and annoys him to no end by parking directly in front of his house. She takes the basket, says "Oh! How nice!" and swears she's going to park on his damn lawn next time. She gives it to her hair dresser who smiles and says, "Oh! My favorite!" but thinks, "What did I do to her to deserve this?" She gives it to her son's teacher, who passes it on to her accountant who thinks, "What did I do? Why does she hate me so much?" and passes it on to his mother-in-law who... Well, I think you get the picture. The present is a leaden burden around the neck of the recipient. The whole system is a virus and it needs to be stopped. Do you really want to perpetuate this? I mean, people, it's a basket of really old (by now) sausages. I don't care if the expiration date of 2020 is stamped on the side of the Garlic Saucisson from France. It needs to come to an end.

This is where you come in. It is time to stop the Badness. Someone has to do it, and Bossy Betty fans (well, most of you) have the strength of character to do just this. When you receive that can of candied chicken hearts, do not pass it on. When you get the dusty basket of Lotions of the Galapagos Islands, do not pass it on. And when that bottle of oil with all those squishy peppers and chilies (this is Betty's personal arch enemy of a present; it's the equivalent of throwing a shoe at me while in Iraq) arrives at your door, do not pass it on. Have some backbone. Take responsibility. If someone gave you a badly injured squirrel, would you put an additional bow on it to cover the wounds and pass it on to your mail carrier, with a card wishing him a "Healthy and Happy New Year"? NO! Put these presents out of their misery and end the horrible cycle.

It's time people. We can end the re-gifting of bad presents in our lifetime. Join me.

A simple guide:

Eat this if you must, in a dim room, with your doctor's phone number beside your chair, or perhaps a do-it-yourself angioplasty kit, but do not pass on to others:



















 No one wants to bathe with the Gingerbread Men.  Well, maybe some loose Gingerbread Women, but it's not mentally healthy for the rest of us.















Do I really need to say it? OK:  Never. No.  Don't do it.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Hi, very interesting post, greetings from Greece!