Thursday, November 6, 2008

EXPOSED!!!!: Daucus Carota

Pleasant Evening Story Time Scene
Horrifying Tableau?
You Decide!

Today: a Bossy Betty Exclusive Report
Only HERE! Only NOW!

We mingle with them on a daily basis. They say they are just here for salads and snacks, but what do we really know about these weapon-shaped vegetables lurking in our refrigerator drawers? Today we discuss the many issues surrounding these seemingly "normal" vegetables who sport their signature bright and happy color despite the fact that they grow and flourish in a dark underground world.

In this exclusive report, Bossy Betty sits down with a really Attractive Vegetable Guy (AVG) to answer your questions about the mysterious Daucus Carota, the so-called "common" carrot. In this searing investigative report, Bossy Betty promises the grating truth, no sweet sticky glazing of the harsh facts, as she peels back the layers to get at the root of the issues that surround these suspiciously quiet vegetables who live among us, infiltrating our schools and work places daily via backpacks and lunch bags.

After reading this, you may never wear your orange coat and green hat together again.

BB: First of all, did you take out the trash in the back room? Because it was getting really stinky.

AVG: Yes, I did.

BB: And did you fill up the dog's water thingy? Because it was empty earlier tonight.

AVG: Yes, I did.

BB: OK. Then let's get to the subject at hand. Carrots: Friend or Foe?

AVG: Oh, friend indeed. They have fiber, carotene, all sorts of minerals too.

BB: Yeah, yeah. We've heard that old story for years. Isn't that just a cover-up for their covert plans to take over the world?

AVG: I don't think so.

BB: Is there any truth to the rumor that our eyes will grow red as fire if we eat too many carrots?

AVG: No.

BB: Twenty years ago there was no such thing as a Baby Carrot sold in stores. Why are these desperate carrot parents now releasing their young for consumption?

AVG: Most carrots sold as Baby Carrots are not baby carrots at all. They are full-sized carrots cut into small pieces with their edges smoothed out.

BB: Gasp!

AVG: These carrots came about because a carrot processor was trying to figure out how to use up the broken bits and pieces that were left over after processing. He ran them through a mixer with gravel and discovered that he could smooth out the corners and come up with little carrots.

BB: So let me clarify for my readers (some who may be good-hearted, but a little slow). These are not actual infant carrots we are biting with our sharp, white incisors?

AVG: Most likely no. We now breed special varieties just for making these "baby" carrots. The reason they are more expensive is because the processors have to peel them before they cut them up. We've bred varieties that have very small lenticils which are the holes on the surface of the carrot. That makes them easier to peel. By the way, we no longer use gravel to smooth out the edges.

BB: Don't you think the American People have the right to know this vital information about these so called "Baby Carrots"?

AVG: Ummmm. Yes. I guess so.

BB: One more question: Who do you think is the prettiest woman on earth?

AVG: Piper Perabo

BB: Try again.

AVG: You are.

BB: Thank you for speaking with us today Attractive Vegetable Guy. You wanna go make out or something?



Alyssa said...

I think I have been on your blog about three times today. I'm just helping that counter move up!

Happy Homemaker said...

Thanks for having AVG claify some of the coomplexities of carrot grinding. I know you had me in mind. ~Good hearted, yet slow!

Anonymous said...

All your carroty questions answered at the World Carrot Museum -

Anonymous said...

John--Thank you so much for the link! I loved it! Who knew?

Treasures By Brenda said...

Your have done a great job (hysterical, actually) of discussing the Baby Carrot Controversy. Those poor little baby carrots! Read all about them at a page I have written called, Baby Carrots ~~ When Is A Carrot Not A Carrot.


Shan said...

I would LOL, but I'm trying to settle Fynnie. Wish I'd found you sooner, but I love getting to discover "vintage BB." Like time travel, but without wondering if the new destination has my preferred toilet paper.